Neither of them are taking ownership for what they did. Typical.
It's obviously YOUR fault. It's so high school it's not funny. I like how he makes it sound like he is going to put you in your place. He's been shamed and embarrassed and someone must pay! Of course he doesn't look at himself so it must be you.
I really suggest not engaging him. Or if he does, shoot a truth dart at him every now and then. Stay calm and focused.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
LOL, you made me laugh yet again. I know. OW also thinks I should have "spoken to her" when I called and asks why I wouldn't talk to her - uh, DUH - you slept with my H!!! And on the phone, I said "you had sex with my H" and her response was "sure, go ahead and cheapen it..." I just laugh at the juvenile nature of these two - my H is usually very mature and intelligent, but right now, he's a child.
Ha-oooo-gah! (that's my best lighthouse warning) LOL
There is nothing I have said that is dishonest and nothing that I have done that I am ashamed of. The only thing I wonder if I should tell H about is that FIL changed locks on apt. I wasn't going to tell him b/c I wanted him to go there with OW and find out on his own, cause a little strife... but now that she's probably not going there with him, it may be kinder to tell him that the "picnic palace" has been closed for good.
Well, it depends. You said the apt's are in your name not his. Is there ANY PRACTICAL reason he would have to need that information?
If you two had prior arrangements for example to have him visit there every so often to get the mail or to secure the place or whatever, then maybe, but if you managed the aprt and he had no involvement on his OWN other than YOU asking him to do work over there then NO.
The only information you NEED to share with your partner is what THEY have a NEED and RIGHT to know.
I don't believe in keeping secrets, but I don't tell my wife what I had for lunch at work each day... its nothing she's concerned about. If she DID ask me I would happily tell her.
If there is no practical reason why he would need that information and you aren't trying to do any DAMAGE to your marriage by withholding that information tehn leave it. He doens't need to know that anymore than my wife needing to know how many times I blew my nose today.
I don't see him as having any NEED to KNOW that his affair hideout is now locked up on him. That isn't something he needs or has a right to know about. And I certainly don't think you are trying to DAMAGE your MARRIAGE by not telling him this.
And if he HAS NO NEED TO GO THERE and he DOES one day challenge you on it you can hit him with this :
"OK, so what the HELL are YOU donig going thre in the FIRST PLACE?"
Yeah, MrBond, I don't expect an apology from OW EVER - I think she actually thinks this was GOOD for her M - it brought things out into the open. And H, well, he's a LONG way off from that.
I have the text from what I read to her on the phone, so I can tell H exactly what I said, but I don't know that he would believe me over her at this point.
I make it a policy to NEVER break a promise and TRY to NEVER lie. He knows this, but he's already taken her side, called HER a GOOD PERSON. Um, come on. She's a liar, a cheater, immature and juvenile, and baited me into arguing with her. And on my voice mails, her shrill voice and obvious elevation of tone of voice show she is losing her mind over this. I'm not the one who left her four 5-10 minute voice mails - and she tries to make it sound like I'm obsessed with her... I honestly wouldn't even be thinking of her except that I type OW so often just as an explanation.
He's "actively" working on the stove to get it running so we can rent it. However, FIL has said he'd take over that project. H has had that stove for 3 months and it's still taken apart in the middle of the floor. I could have paid a plumber part of the $2700 in rent we've lost and had enough to fly to Disney for a few days.
He's "actively" working on the stove to get it running so we can rent it. However, FIL has said he'd take over that project. H has had that stove for 3 months and it's still taken apart in the middle of the floor. I could have paid a plumber part of the $2700 in rent we've lost and had enough to fly to Disney for a few days.
Tell him his FIL is going to fix it and you don't need his involvement in that project anymore.
IF that's the only reason he needs to go, just tell him that you don't NEED him to GO and that's that.
I have the text from what I read to her on the phone, so I can tell H exactly what I said, but I don't know that he would believe me over her at this point.
I make it a policy to NEVER break a promise and TRY to NEVER lie. He knows this, but he's already taken her side, called HER a GOOD PERSON. Um, come on. She's a liar, a cheater, immature and juvenile, and baited me into arguing with her.
You are taking everything he is saying and doing too seriously... he's in a FOG and addicted right now.
Have you watched the TV Show Addicted, or Intervention? They are GREAT for preparing you for wayward script and infidelity script...
You need to just let it all run right off your shoulders. My wife threw the most horrible stuff at me when she was cheating on me... now I don't get a word of anything harmful... she's not the type of person to be verbally visceral at all, but she WAS when she was addicted to her affair... quite so.
Just don't let it GET to you.. he's in a FOG and its the ADDICTION talking.
Remember Saffie I think said it took her Husband a YEAR to say anything negative about OW.. and her husband had to give her a warm send off too...
I don't reccomend tolerating that, but I woudln't push it right now... we want to wait for more clues to find out if he's actually gotten the heave "ho".
Yeah, I agree about the evidence for the heave ho. I don't think it's an honest break, but maybe I'm being cynical. I'm more thinking that I'm being realistic. There are just NO signs of withdrawal. It's only been a few hour since the supposed "no contact" agreement and he's already broken it once... PLUS she's still his facebook "friend." I know the signs of withdrawal.
Never saw the shows, but did have an addict boyfriend and I know full well the dishonesty, lies, hurt and entitlement that comes from them. This man (making up this sitch as an example) would tell me if I caught him in bed naked with a woman that *I* was seeing things and if I told him NO, I can SEE you there, he'd get angry - REALLY angry - at me for not believing him. But when he was straight, he was an honest, good, intelligent man. Guess that experience is why I have a better time accepting the alien like it's - well, not normal - but not unheard of, I guess.
Hmmm, I wasn't taking it that way at all. Thanks for the insight. I'll re-read it and consider it more carefully.
I'm impulsive, which sometimes I think can be charming, but most often is a detriment. I often take things at face value, and one of my 180s is to consider things more carefully before saying or responding to them. I wasn't always this way, it just seems the hectic nature of life has me rushed all the time and not giving anything my full attention.
