Hi Future, New advice for you. Now I say, keep the relationship "status quo" until the divorce is final!!! I got sideswiped today. We had one matter that still needed to be ironed out in the settlement agreement for our divorce hearing, which is supposed to be 4/20. I am doing all the work on this, by the way--I just present stuff to him and he looks at it. Anyway, I sent an asset list to H and saw that I had made some errors, that I thought the open matter was still too much in his favor, and I wanted his opinion and the mediator's opinion. He was FURIOUS!!! Said its "war", that he is hiring an attorney, that there will be no divorce this month, etc...
Future, my thought now is his reaction can be chalked up in part because I haven't been "nice" enough to him the past few weeks. He needs me to tell him that he couldn't help having this affair (which he does not want to end) and that I think he is still the sensitive, caring man I married. He had been insisting this in e-mails to me, and I was not responding...
Anyway, long story short (I hope), tonight I made him a sandwich when he came to pick up the boys, and I was very cordial. Its not that I have been mean or nasty to him at all, I just haven't been paying enough attention to him lately. I have a feeling that because I made him a sandwich and was nice and not "neutral" that he will sign the settlement agreement and we will be through it this month.
Its worth it for me to keep up the status quo for a few weeks longer...but I've got light at the end of the tunnel (I pray to God). Its hard to know what you should do because of the long road in NY. I sounds like she is really mad that she isn't getting your attention, and so she's having a tantrum. Like my H, it sounds like she's going to demand attention from you one way or the other--either positive or negative. Hard to know which one is most in your interest at this point. Like you, I feel that my H is not a bad person, he is just self absorbed and immature. This has brought out the worst in him...he's trying, but its hard to get there.
