OK, the first mistake was trying to make HER FEEL better for the damage SHE DID to OMW's marriage.
I would have just let her stew on it the whole day and not even got involved. You can't win that battle.
If you supported her, she would criticize YOU for being paranoid. If you don't support her, she blasts you for that.
I haven't quite figured out how you found out about the facebook stuff... But if she finds out about damage SHE DID over at their home.. just let her SWIM in it... she needs to GROW UP TOO... and she hasn't.
She felt GUILTY for the mess she had made and she took that OUT on YOU...
YOu though tried to jump right in and well, it was a bomb waiting to go off.
I think you need to sit down and put a very LONG well thought out letter together.
When you talk to her, she is very good at provoking you into a fight... she's VERY good at that... this is the test... you have to STEEL yourself against the provocation.
And she DID hint today that you did have her thinking twice... she was reconsidering... you WERE making some impact...so, we know what works... I think you saw that in her responses...
MWD points out in DR that you WILL have bad days. Her advice is to shrug them off and just keep going. Don't make a big apology out of it, just keep going. I am looking for the pp reference to make sure i am quoting correctly, but I can't find it right now.
My advice is a bit split here. I LIKE the idea of just ignoring it like MWD said. But I also like the idea of you writing a letter.
How about you TRY to write a letter and (feel free to post here) if you can come up with something you LIKE and are CONFIDENT then send it, but if nothign looks half decent just keep going on as is.
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Re the blackberry and her seeing this site.
That's fine. The custom fit answer to that is this :
"I am writing to a family therapy website and getting some good advice, but this is therapy, its private. It is nothing at all destructive to our marriage, its work to improve myself and my contributions here. If you see a family therapist your conversations would be confidential too... that's how it works. They are licensed professionals and their goal is to help you make a better contribution to our marriage - I felt like I was doing that. They will not compromise any marriage - its all professional advice there."
For the front comment :
"My work isn't a front, its me following professional advice. Feel free to let me know if you approve at all of what I've been doing.. you can thank my therapist for it... It's not a front - Its just me doing what I can to make up for all the mistakes I've made."
I am still thinking, but I will send this off now...
