How to approach W about OM

[OfficerInNeed]

OIN,

You're not in the wrong here. Sometimes we say speaking to the WAS is like talking to an "alien". Whats funny is that from the conversation you described, she's out with OM and wants you to do all the changing. Not fair at all is it?

I'd continue what you've been doing, obviously don't get into another conversation this deep. It will not make any sense at all.

Take care of yourself, find activities outside of the house that you like to do. Going to the gym will help your mood out, and keep you from getting depressed. Be seen by the opposite sex.

We all know where you are at, and it sucks. I don't like that you want to openly discuss with her, and she believes that you needed to change.

It sounded like you where always a fair and loving guy to her from your discussions. Some ladies don't deserve men like that anyway, they should not be enabled.

Right now this affair is like a drug to her, cocaine to be exact. She has her love nest, and strong and virtuous security from you. Why change any thing?

Take care of yourself, and your story is an inspiration to all of us.

No, I did not say she was out with OM, I was just referring to the past and making assumptions about what did happen when there were talking. There was only one instance where my W left the house where something physical could have happened but I trusted her enough to think nothing did happen. There were just hints of things that made me think "maybe it got physical that one time" but I still continues loving her and trying to make this marriage work but it was always in the back of my mind.

And no, I was not always a loving guy. I was a controlling, abusing bully. I realized I was leading an unhealthy way of living and destroying my spouse and our M not to mention myself. SO I made changes. I go the help I needed and achieved a new outlook on life then I began to DB to save my marriage.

My W does deserve a man like that and I never was and I am doing everything to become.