Question

[awest1217]

S is feeling better, but after my nap yesterday I didn't sleep last night so although I am tired today, I am not going to sleep until bed because break is almost over and I have to get on a normal routine.

In other news, H asked to go out to eat for lunch. So we did and then we come home and H played with S and then we talked. It was S's nap time so I let S stay up a little longer to play because H is going back to rehab right now. We also talked. At first about random stuff, catching him up on things in life like friends who are engaged, things with S, etc. Then we got into finances and we talked about Dave Ramsey. I said how I don't understand and would like to know where all his money went this summer and how I figured he should have saved $4000 this summer even with a large budget for going out and he said he doesn't know. He says he hasn't saved any money until the last two months (when he found out he had to move out), but before that he spent every dime. I talked to him about a budget and setting aside envelopes since he has no debt and already has the first $1000 saved. He likes the idea and said he is going to start it this week.

I then got into how I am planning on filing for divorce once I save up enough money. This made his tear up, but nothing major. I said I can't wait for forever. I also let him know that I was going to file this week, but didn't because I don't have the money and because he told me he is going to rehab and I thought you deserve another chance. He said thank you. I then let him know that I feel our relationship suffered because we were never intimate with each other. Because of my passed with my mom sexually abused by my dad, I could never be fully physically intimate, and now that I have gotten help for that he doesn't want to be. He was never emotionally intimate with me because he felt I was judgmental. We had a good talk and I said that there is hope, but he has to show me that there is a reason to stick it out. That he really wants this to work. He needs to go to rehab to get help for himself, but I am worried he also is doing this so he can have a better relationship with OW and I will have waited for no reason.

Two good things that stick out from this conversation that he said were that he is going to rehab this week to talk about him being an abusive spouse. He said he has done a lot of reading and sees why I and others have said he is abusive. He said he needs to discuss why he gets jealous and wouldn't let me have friends, but he can have any friends he wants and I have to be ok with that. Second, he also said he is constantly working on the friends boundary. I quickly brought up the text from weeks ago and said that is not a text between friends, and he said that is something he is always working on. A third thing is that I do know now that H is living at his parents house and the reason why I didn't see him on the weekends when I went by is because he was at rehab. He hates living there and is annoyed by his family and sees more and more why he is the way he is and wants to change so that is really good for him.

The talk was good. No yelling or anything just us talking, but still no indication on if he wants to still be in this relationship. As I said above I ended by telling him there is still a chance if he wants but I need him to give me a reason to stick around. He gave me a hug, thanked me for dinner, kissed me and left for his parents to get his stuff and go to rehab.