OK, even if your in laws don't want to publically do anything, you know who your friends are here.
I know your family doens't have the tools to help. I am just wondering if you told him that you have exposed everything if THAT would shake him up a bit... you don't HAVE to expose, just tell him they know and that word got around.
When you hide this thing like this it just enables him. CHILD molsters pull the stunt he's pulling... they abuse children and then they pressure them to keep it ia SECRET.
IF he's so PROUD of what he's doing, then put it out in the open and THEN we'll see how PROUD he is of it. This OFTEN cases the spouse to go underground, rant, throw a tantrum, and then run pointless damage control... but it DOES take the excitement and romance out of the affair.. it turns it into something ugly instead of just a thrilling, intimate little secret.
Pour your heart out? I wouldn't do that, but you can own up to what you have done, and then add that HE made mistakes too.
Then finish with
But what YOu are doing NOW is attacking innocent CHILDIREN by playing this hurtful little game of lies with them. You show up and act like you are a big hero, but you are just a hurtful liar to them. The first priority of a good father is RESPECTING his children's MOTHER. Finances take a back seat when you turn your kids mother into a doormat.
I would challenge him that he hasnt' even explored reconcilliation with a proper professional and is instead hiding behind a woman and won't face up to his responsabilities. You are a parent and as a parent you have obligations to your wife and children that FAR TRANSCEND how YOU FEEL right now. You OWE your children a family and the respect of effort into family therapy... rather than making cheap excuses and hiding miles away.
The next time he shows up I would wait til everyone was in the room and bring up his infidelity right out in public.
Just humiliate him and let reality rip through him.
He's a coward and he needs to grow up. It's one thing to avoid your family and cheat on them, but its another to show up on holidays all smiles acting like you aren't even doing anythign wrong -- THAT is COWARDLY.
If you did challenge him at the next holiday in public he will likley just walk out of the room and wait to attack you in private.
He may even try to go to a hotel instead. Let him. He NEEDS to feel unwelcome and have soem reality shaken into him.
