Huband is having an emotional affair

[ALJ]

Well, I do see now that it might be hard for me to find people to support me in my speaking out against my H's affair. I received an email from my MIL. Now mind you, I have not asked her outright to protest the affair to my H when she does speak to him but the email that I have received from her does have undertones as to how she feels about the whole thing. She says how much she loves me and I am a strong woman and she knows I will get through this. Then she talks about how she loves her son but H is going to have to answer to God for what he is doing and how he is going to regret missing out on our kids lives. Then she talks about how H is just like his father(deceased since H was 13) and how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She wishes she could whip him, make him apologize, and send him to bed, like when he was a child, but she can't anymore. He is a grown man that is going to have to pay for his mistakes, etc. You get the picture. I'm not going to even ask his brother or sister because I think it will be uncomfortable for them being that is their brother and like Allen said, when H comes to visit they are happy to see him.

As for my side of the family, there is really no one to protest to H. I have not told anyone about the affair because I know there will be sparks flying, especially with my cousins and uncles. Half of them are alcoholics and like to fight when they drink. My dad has a history of being a womanizer himself and my mom has a temper(they were never married). Just your typical dysfunctional family. Plus, like I mentioned before, H avoids my side of the family like the plague. Hardly anyone in my family has been happily married before and the ones that were are either separated or divorced. My options are slim in that aspect.

I am beginning to think that my silence toward H is making him not feel so guilty about what he is doing to us. When he was visiting, it was like he was avoiding talking to me for fear of me bringing up our situation. He did not take an initiative to bring it up and neither did I. When he first came back, I did not welcome him with open arms and he hardly opened his. There was no cause for celebration. The atmosphere between us was mostly strained. We have never sat down and discussed our problems since I found out about the affair, just mostly text messages back and forth debating our sides. Now that he is gone back home and away from the pressure, I feel that he is fine as long as he does not hear from me unless he calls the kids because he can't deal with the fact that he is hurting us. Out of sight, out of mind. Does this make any sense?

I was thinking of sending H a letter though e-mail, telling him how I feel about the things that went wrong in our marriage, owning up to my part of it, pouring out my feelings, and then adding how what he is doing is hurting us. I want to tell him that he needs to try to work on our marriage and that our kids need the both of us together and not just financial support from him. H apologized in a text message about how he has hurt us when he first told me about the OW but that is it. Nothing has been laid on the table. He does not want to go to counseling. He says problems would arise in our marriage and we fix them and they would keep coming back. Basically, our marriage is over for him and I know OW is the main reason for this. What do you think? I have also begun the task of finding a FT for me.