I think it's time to call it quits

[keepingthefaith]

I was here about 8 years ago. My husband had had a long term affair. To make a long story short - we worked it out. Or so I thought. About 3 months ago, I found out he had had another long term affair. This one lasted a year and a half. He was having sex with the woman in a couple we hung out with all the time. Went on vacations with them and everything. As I was trying to deal with that, he lost his job. He's now been unemployed for about 6 weeks. The stress is killing me. I'm a full time college student and now I'm also looking for a full time job. We are going to have to relocate to a different town. He's angry all the time. I'm angry and resentful and bitter. Maybe this is all just too much. I'd like to be happily married, but just don't have the enery to deal with it anymore. Any help out there?

[keepingthefaith]

I know that I'm am being impatient waiting for a reply, can anyone help me--please.

[Wildaces81]

Do you love him still? Can you try? I don't know what to say except I'm sorry that you are repeating history.

When you two reconciled did you work out everything from the previous A? Or did it just "dissappear" with out you ever getting to resolve how you felt about it?

Again I'm sorry you are back in this fashion. I wish I had more to say to help you but I'm new at this. I didn't want you to be waiting around feeling ignored though.

Aces

[gman]

nothing wrong with being impatient - quick questions i have for you.....what do YOU want? do YOU want to save M? Has H ended A?

[givingitmyall]

KTF,

I'm sorry you have had to come back. But you probably know this is the best place for these types of problems.

You were here 8 years ago. What did you learn then?

What happened bewteen the two affairs? Is there something to look at that is the cause of the breakdown in the M or is your H simply not going to be faithful.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you have to take a long, hard look at what kind of man your H is.

More details would be helpful. Your age, how long M'd, any kids?

[keepingthefaith]

Right now, I don't really know what I want. I don't think I have had time to figure it out. There are pros and cons to both staying married and to making it on my own. Since I found out about the A, my H has been virtually smothering me. I rarely have a moment alone.

I'm 48 years old. We don't have any kids. We have been married for 15 years.

After the last affair, it seemed to me that we had worked things out. I have no idea what caused this affair. Looking back, our life together was good. Sex was good. It seemed to me like we had a happy little life. He can't tell me why he started this affair and he seems genuinely sorry about it. Swears it won't happen again. I just can't seem to believe him. I feel like I have been made a fool.

I'd like to just take some time for myself. However, I feel like if I ask for that, our marriage will be over. I don't see him agreeing to that at all.

[timehealsall]

I know that I have my own problems and s hould be the last one to comment but this part made my blood boil.

"I'd like to just take some time for myself. However, I feel like if I ask for that, our marriage will be over. I don't see him agreeing to that at all."

uhm, so he can go and have another A and he expects you to just deal with it and believe his BS words that "he'll never do it again" when he already sang that tune 8 years ago? The way I see it, you should do what YOU want to do. Take time for YOU. When you are well enough and strong enough to deal with him and decide what you want, then so be it. but it should be on your terms, not his.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have an H who had an affair too and my worst fear is healing from this, only to have him go out and do it again.

I pray for you and your strength.

xo

[soleil]

I feel like I have been made a fool.

You are not a fool. And why does he get a say in time apart? Did you get a say when he cheated on you, more than once.

The fact that the person he was involved with is a friend in your group of friends, who you hung out with is salt with the wound.


Have you done any IC or MC?

[keepingthefaith]

Thanks so much to everyone for responding to me. Makes me feel so much better -- so not alone.

Haven't done any counseling. Might consider some in the future.

I think I am going to go for some time apart. H should be home soon, so I can't really post any more right now. I'll get back on board with a post when I can.

I can't thank you enough for all of your support.

[timehealsall]

I wish you all the best. I know how it feels. You feel alone. Even though I have a very few select people I *could* talk to, I don't. I feel like these should be the best years of my life and I should be living it up, but rather, I feel like someone's taken the wind out of me.

Let us know how it goes!