Well was supposed to be an ordinary day! Was it heck!
Txt H to ask did he want to go for a drink, got a dunno will think about it later. Fab he is getting grumpy again I think, maybe I shouldn't think it's too painful.
Later I txt him to say I'd be home on time no over time and his reply was I'll be back after you coming back from town. Brilliant he's gone for a job interview but no further txt so I txt back and ask for info!
Oh no it was cr@p, so I txt back and pointed out he had rather unfairly built me up then dropped me in about two mins. It was awful being at work getting elated then deflated.
Got home and house a mess, I have been watching get lower over the last few days, so I got on with the chores when he arrives glum and fed up! All I got was him being miserable nothing postive about the interview so I validated a bit then went off to do more chores tbh I didn't want to deal with him.
Hour later realise dinner needs doing H is still looking glum, now one of his moans was I was always looking on the bright side which made him feel like I wasn't acknowleding things, so I said I don't want to try and do the bright and cheery but what can I do, so it was a hug which he then spills... He's not eaten all day and not taj ken his AD's WTF so I've cuddled, fed and told him he needs to look after himself, how on earth did he think he was going to look like the man for the job Arrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh.
Right that's me ranting can't even go for a drink now as he's just doubled his AD dose!!!!!!
Please tell me we will get through this, all I wanted was just one bit of good news not a weekend of grumpyness!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hour later realise dinner needs doing H is still looking glum, now one of his moans was I was always looking on the bright side which made him feel like I wasn't acknowleding things, so I said I don't want to try and do the bright and cheery but what can I do, so it was a hug which he then spills... He's not eaten all day and not taj ken his AD's WTF so I've cuddled, fed and told him he needs to look after himself, how on earth did he think he was going to look like the man for the job Arrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh.
Right that's me ranting can't even go for a drink now as he's just doubled his AD dose!!!!!!
Please tell me we will get through this, all I wanted was just one bit of good news not a weekend of grumpyness!
You two will get through this. If a weekend of grumpiness happens, go do something fun for yourself. Don't let him drag you into it. The work stuff and the AD stuff is his to own and feel without blaming it on you somehow.
Good job not trying to put too positive a spin on things when he wants to complain some. It's hard to strike the balance between wallowing with and making someone feel heard.
Make sure you get some LR time in the next few days so a row does not start or you don't get his mood contagiously!
Just too much to handle ATM H and I went out for a drink, he decides when I'm a bit merry to drop some info about why sis hasn't spoke to me for the last seven years! Oh joy turns our it's not me but some thing s did aged 12 something she just used the sitch as an excuse ok I understand why but I so wouldn't have dealt with that way and tbh m mad H is standing between u s both and it's wrong am u supposed to let her off the hook yet again I so don't think so!
Lots of stuff dug Up including wedding anniversry not ghod stuff
you will have to excuse too much to drink and iPhone not good combo
Will try to make sense in the morming !
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hugs LR! He's going through a tough time. I agree with rr, don't let him drag you down. Take care of yourself and be clear about what's your business and what's his business.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
You're doing everythin gyou can to help him through his pain - but maybe it's time to let go a bit an dlet him feel what he needs to feel. I agree talking when drinking is a lethal combo!
Came home early afternoon from work, had nice chat with H, hes pretty down at the moment because he felt job interview thursday didnt go well as he wasnt articulate enough! Also his lease car has to go back as we cant afford it so that is going to make life pretty awful for him not being able to go places, although he can run me to work a couple days a week and use mine!
Well ended up having a bit of fun wink wink and then he mentioned dinner, where did I want to eat it, should he do the dining room table all up, and I replied only problem with that is every time we do that we end up in a deep R talk and I didnt want to do that right now, so he said ok we'd do that still but if was going R way he would change the subject or make me laugh so as to not go down that route.. So of to the pub we go for a drink, Im happy merrily chatting away about work, friends etc and generally having a good time on my one large glass of wine.. H says shall he get us another drink then its his turn to talk, so after coming back with a small glass of wine, he starts to tell me about sis and the why she hasnt talked to me for the last seven years..
Apparently my S did some thing that his female cousin got upset about, rather bottled it up and then it all came spewing out in a rather over dramatised way, we can work out how old he was at this point but approx thirteen and cousin would have been ten. Anyway instead of telling me about it and me bashing S over the head to get to the bottom of it and making him apologise to his cousin, no she uses the next time my parents arnt talking to her and me saying some thing jest about it to slam the phone down on me and not answer my calls.. Therefore leaving me feeling like I was in the wrong.. this is the sis (well the only one) that has got me into trouble for years by lying her head off..
So slightly squiffed DB me says to H well she had till easter to make some effort and she didnt, and while I validate her for telling H why so counted that as some effort it was to the wrong person.. and honestly whilst I totally understand her backing her daughter I still think its a load of BS using it as an excuse. So by this point a very emotional me asks to go home..
Ok not wise move I downed another glass of wine and ate dinner.. we had been talking about making time for each other before and how we were gonna get round doing that especially when H is back at work, this weekend he is away all weekend again, and ok apart from this sis faux pas he really tried to make a nice evening for us both and left me with lots of nice little bits over the weekend. So some how we get onto the weekend of our WA and he says what I hate is not doing some thing on the grounds of we want to be together and I end up being left alone doing nothing! So I sorta let rip and asked what the hell he thought we were gonna celebrate, we dont wear rings, we dont mention being married even though we are etc etc.. by this point I just couldnt cope anymore so went upstairs and got into bed.. I was so tired and a little pickled and just wanted out.. Half hour later H comes up a bit surprised Im almost asleep he expected me to come down again.. big 180 I dont wanna fight just sleep, so he comes to bed, feeds me chocolate he'd bought and cuddled me to sleep..
Morning comes awoke early and he asks for cuddle, I just let him, didnt really want to give anything this morning apart from the fact I still wanted sleep.. He toddles off to get ready for his weekend, does all the house chores bless him and comes back up with a coffee.. He takes my not being able to put into words about sis and my head spinning when he thinks Im making too much of it all to mean Im sulking because hes going away for three days, so starts to walk off in a huff! LR's proudest moment... Call him back and said "H I am not sulking because you are going, yes I will miss you and yes I will miss my cuddles, but you just huffed off outta your own guilt for dumping this all on me and leaving me with it all weekend, so dont use me as an excuse to huff off" Big smile from H guess who caught him out and put the huff firmly back on his shoulders to carry.. as he left I'd promised to get my feelings about sis into some sorta order but tbh I cant seem to do it.. I just feel that H and I were a team, my family caused so many rows when we got together it was a bit them and us agaisnt them.. now I dont trust sis anymore than I can throw her and I dont know what he is sharing with her, she feels like an OW to me even though I know she's not.. I just wish I could get my head round this one and make it make sense to H but Im not sure I can even if I can make sense of it to me that it will make sense to H.. Really need some help on that one if some one has their councilling head on lol!
Sorry for the long ramble, thank you and hugs if you got to the bottom of this all!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
It's interesting that around the deadline he decided to disclose a secret from Sis about what her grudge is about. He is offering to include you in their R more?
This is a tough situation. YOur sis has created a triangle. Can you end run around H and make the first move with sis and DB her to be the bigger person and put an end to this madness? It would take the wind out of their IMing. Also, I can see how that is the LAST thing you want to do at this time or have the energy for. To have two people being babies and treating you inconsiderately.
If you viewed it as an act of charity to an emotionally stunted sis (and pot stirrer, no doubt), could you do this over time? If so, you would all be on IM together. I doubt your H is talking bad about you on IM to sis. SHe's probably just moaning and groaning about whatever she moans and groans about every day.
I wouldn't like it either if I were you. I'm just trying to think in what way you and H could stay happy without it being a dealbreaker. I continue to think the whole thing would be less fun for sis if she knew you didn't care and were over it. She might take less interest in IM with H too. If she's really a troublemaker though, I can see how you would not want to deal with her drama every week.
I can only suggest ODP on this for two weeks so you can get more opinions on here and have time to think about it. Do not blow things up with H over this at this time. Try to figure out a new way to handle this that does not make you feel like a doormat.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It is a tough one given all you have already endured and put up with this year. You deserve an award or a new harness for Madam or something!
I'm very proud of you for putting it back on his shoulders. You have been holding all this in for far too long. Now it's out in the open and it's time to not let it go back underground. I agree it's a good weekend to get some advice from the board and get ready and don't let it slide any more!
Thanks H4L even though I dont believe the baloney sis is spouting its a relief to know that it was never my fault, doesnt feel good being treated that way but what the heck thats not my problem just know i'd never do that to some one else..
RR interestingly enough H couldnt remember me saying she had till easter lol! Re-writing history episode I do believe..
Worked it out in my head and think like always with sis there is small element of truth in her story, but when I told my BF tale today she saw the same holes in it as me and thinks H is off his trolley for believing a pile of rot!
As for me really I dont want to be friends with sis, I just dont want her in an infernal triangle with me and H, it gives my parents grounds to stir as in "did H tell you Sis was doing so and so" not that I bit on that one, spoilt their game a treat lol! She is just between us and even that H would believe her story which actually doesnt put his own S in a good light and it hasnt occurred to him that Sis would have told everyone her gory story from her point of view therefore spreading unpleasantries about our S, well the penny hasnt even dropped on his head on that one yet!
I even know when he is talking to her on FB there is a sorta smile he does when he's doing some thing he knows he shouldnt, any other time chatting to other friends he is open and sorta relays the conversation to me.. Of course IM not on his FB, but I cant moan I have my alt on there too lol! But he doesnt hide it like he used too when I did think there was a possibility of OW..
Oh well I will keep thinking this one through believe me its not over and done with by a long chalk, unfortunately cannot ask S what he remembers about the evening as he broke up with his GF of two years yesterday and is hurting rather a lot, its also hard for me to hear all the words coming out of his mouth that were coming out of mine only last August.. and of course not flippant I knows coming out of mine, I really do know how he feels and I wouldnt wish it on anyone, except maybe sis lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
