I'm sure it surprised her and caught her off guard. Is she stalling or thinking or what...?
Oh trust that she is thinking about it.
You are handling this like a pro, so kudos to you. You have been firm about your position all while maintaining your dignity and stance and that is both commendable and admirable.
I've been really busy at work so don't have much time to post but do check in through out the day. I'm feeling pretty good about things. Not getting cocky by any means, I still have a long way to go.
I could really use some help fine tuning things. Don't want to screw up the progress that I have finally been able to make.
Thanks again to everyone. I promise I will post more when I have time. I can't really use the computer too much at home because she is still there. That leaves lunch at work and that's only 1/2 hour. As I said, it's been very busy so don't have much time during the day anymore.
W is helping with school fundraiser dance this Sat. She is also coaching track and has a v'ball tourn Sat. When I got home last night, she was on the phone and stayed on the phone for two hours. Said she was getting track stuff and dance and v'ball things figured out for the week. I didn't ask or say anything about who she was talking to. I asked if she had enough help. She said no, she had scheduled days off of work and they now want her to come in Sat and Sun and it pissed her off because work had already OK'd the time off. Now she had all this stuff to do and didn't have time to do it. She has to be at the dance early to get the food ready. She, of course, said she would do it all herself. Then after the dance, she has to clean up and then be at work at 4:00am. I said I would be there to help and I'm sure others will stay and help clean up, she didn't have to do it by herself. She said I hadn't mentioned if I was going or not, she didn't care if I was there or not, she still had to do it all and wouldn't get any sleep because she had to go to work.
I helped the kids with homework and did showers and got them ready for bed all while she was on the phone again. Then I sat down to watch The Pacific. Really good show so far. She got up and took a shower and came back in for a while. No talking at all. After about ten minutes, she said she was going to bed, got up and left the room. No kiss tonight.
I know she is stressed. When we had our talk this weekend, she said how I would leave for work or go to bed without giving her a kiss sometimes. I mentioned that she did the same and I wasn't going to force myself on her. She knows I want to work this out and I won't pressure her to. But, if she didn't, she needed to be the one to go, etc.... We had a couple of relaxing days between then and now, but here we are back to the same ol', same ol'.
So, now what? Patience, relaxed, happy go lucky, I'm OK no matter what? Or do I push for her to make up her mind and stay or go, but do it now? Do I go to the dance, even thought she doesn't care if I'm there or not? It's for the kid's school so I have the right to be there, but not if I will be ignored by her all night.
IDU, hey man. Yes, go to the dance. I would if I were you. Of course she's going to teel you she doesn't care if you go or not. She might not want to give you any positive signs because she's afraid you will jump all over it and smother her? I don't know, just a thought.
She has already brought up that you don't give her a kiss before bed or work sometimes. She's watching what you do. She will be watching to see of you go to the dance. Go to it. Be there and be supportive. She will be stressed with all of the work she needs to do at the dance so be prepared for it. Don't expect her to thank you for going and helping but deep inside she will probably be happy that you went and helped. This is a good opportunity to be there for her. Just don't make it about you.
My 2 cents for what it's worth. Go and be cheerful. Good luck.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
This is what I'm having trouble with right now. She brought up several things, such as me going out more, not giving her a kiss, not calling her while she was away at her concert when other girls H called them. Is it time to try to connect with her in small ways again? And, will she automatically push me away to see if I will stop?
She has obviously noticed things being different with me. I have never once got pissy with her about anything she says. A lot of listening, looking her in the eyes and validating. Should I keep pulling back? It seems to be working. But, the things she has brought up, is now the time to go to her and kiss her, stuff like that?
Don't want to do this wrong now that things are, what, changing in one direction or another.
This is what I'm having trouble with right now. She brought up several things, such as me going out more, not giving her a kiss, not calling her while she was away at her concert when other girls H called them. Is it time to try to connect with her in small ways again? And, will she automatically push me away to see if I will stop?
She has obviously noticed things being different with me. I have never once got pissy with her about anything she says. A lot of listening, looking her in the eyes and validating. Should I keep pulling back? It seems to be working. But, the things she has brought up, is now the time to go to her and kiss her, stuff like that?
Don't want to do this wrong now that things are, what, changing in one direction or another.
My advice would be no, it is not time "to go to her and kiss her, stuff like that".
Your W is trying to blame you for the way she is acting. It's YOUR fault. If you would kiss her goodnight and goodbye, things would be SO much better.
That's a load of BS, and a tactic my W used on me as well. She's stalling you.
Showing her affection is fine if you both have agreed to reconcile and all OM contact is over with. Short of that, you have to stay a tough guy with regards to her affair while she is under your roof.
The second you start being lovey dovey without confirmation of the affair being over, she will cake eat and prolong your misery. She's trying to take the pressure from home off of her. Make sure she understands that you are not creating consequences because you enjoy it. They are the results of her choices and her choices alone.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
If it is your kids dance then you have every right to be there for them. Don't go just so your W sees you. Go b/c you want to spend time with your kids. Never miss out on your kids lives b/c of your W.
Enjoy the dance for the kids and be in a happy mood. Your W will be noticing your actions .
IMO. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
The kids will not be there. It is a school fundraiser but is what we call a chicken and beer dance out here in the sticks. You pay for your ticket and that includes a meal and beer for the whole night.
She of course swears there is no A and never was. I didn't really try to convince her. I asked if she knew what an EA was. She said she did, who did I think she was having an EA with, blah, blah, blah. The phone calls, txt msgs, erasing her phone history, she denies everything. Blames me for being in a bad mood even when we did go out. I said I can understand how you could feel that way, I wasn't fun to be around all the time. I think I said all the right things.
She hasn't "come clean" about a lot of things yet. There are things I know about the OM that she doesn't know I know. Info from sources that I trust. I guess until she does, my course of action should be the same.
