Down The Divorce Road

[tryingtilDorR]

Mark - Are you in a situation where you see the ILs regularly or live in the same place? If not, not having a close relationship with them might be a good thing in the end emotionally since being around them would be a reminder of your old life being married to their D.

In my case, my ILs are front and center in our lives - they all live in town and we see and talk to them all the time. Not having a close relationship with them would make my situation very difficult, so I am extremely grateful that they have supported me on multiple levels during all this.

When you find someone else who thinks you are "all that"
and you like her too... Could be your new beginning. Suddenly you will have a skip in your step. Life will be good again. What did I ever see in my ex will be planted firmly in your soul. I will never let a woman do that to me again will be your new mantra.

Many months back I couldn't fathom being with anyone else - it just didn't seem possible to be happy with anyone else even though W was treating me very badly. Now I know the above to be so true, in fact I can envision this scenario happening to me much more than being able to R with W and actually be happy with her in the end. Time transforms our thoughts and emotions and this is something I have done a 180 on and you will too Mark.

If W came to me and said she wants to try to R would I do it? Of course I would - I just envision it being a tough road even if she did want it and it would seem easier to be happy with someone else is all, but I would be willing to do the work for the sake of my kids, finances, etc.

It is strange to think, but when our W's were unhappy in their M they essentially did this - they found that it was so easy to just make themselves happy with someone else and that is what they did. We know that finding someone else to make you happy isn't a good long-term strategy and that is why it is so tragic when they step out of the M to do this, but when it is clear that the M is over in their mind why not do the same?

I read about situations on this forum where the W just seems confused and is not saying the M is over per se and that they have some level of interest in it still. In my situation my W has told me the M is over for the past 18 months! I think it is important for us all to accept the situation for what it is and look at the big picture while we also focus on the day to day interaction.

We will make it Mark - and some day we will be happier than we are now - it is inevitable since the only direction we can go is up.