WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Yesterday W and I spoke at length about me reading scripture to her, and her baptism. She said she feels like I'm trying to "drive out the devil within her" paraphrasing some comments I had made before. I told her I'm just trying to engage in a nice intimate activity to bring God into our relationship.

She conflicted herself several times, saying "be patient with me" and "can't we handle this like adults" (in response to me telling her I almost called a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings) all in the space of about 5 minutes.

W shared that she feels violated that I went into her church and sat down with a man she felt was helping her. And now she feels that she can no longer turn to him. "That was MY piece of Heaven, and now he's helping YOU!" Just another example of how she chooses to distance herself from anyone who does not feed her the "I'm OK, you're OK" message.

Of course SHE was the one who shared him with ME, telling me about him and how he wanted to meet me. And HE invited me to meet with him.

She said that is her problem to deal with, and does not want me to feel I can't go to see him. But I think it is incredibly selfish, and likely a part of her depression, that she would not be proud to share someone who is so happy to bring their story of redemption to others.

I can almost imagine what her reaction will be when her church's pastor talks to the OM or her about the situation. She will distance herself from him too, probably feeling more resentment towards me, and blaming me for turning her church that she loves so much against her.

One day she'll wake up and realize that everyone was trying to help her. I hope that day comes soon, because I don't know how much more gas I have left in the tank.