I was going to speak to him, nothing goes in writing because I know she and he are emailing and she'll trash it - he's so easily swayed. For example, his friends told him they noticed something up with him for 3 years and now he's thinking our M has been bad for 3 years. Not saying it has or hasn't, just that he's TOTALLY relying on outside influences to say how long it's been, like he needs justification.
Saffie, I appreciate your comments. I'm taking a big step here, it's a 180 for sure, to bare my soul like this. Here's to hoping it's received well. I don't expect him to jump up and down and send flowers, but in the next few days I'll know if it's been received or not.
Don't agree to be in a triangle, (if one does exist).
Allen, you talk about dignity and respect - well from what passenger say's it sounds like those are two things she has stolen from her H as much as he is doing from her. Two wrongs don't make a right. Sometimes a guy will react better to a softer approach - not a doormat approach - but a softer approach.
Quote:
I have made mistakes over the years... I have done a, b, and c. We both made a lot of mistakes. It is time we took ownership of those, you are absolutely correct.
Now, you are hurting ME by doing x, y, and z.
Please stop your infidelity.
Yep, I could see that being good but I don't know if she has to state more than he is hurting her as she has already said how. I do think the "Please stop your infidelity" bit should be kept in though - though has either aprty actually admitted infidelity and is it proven? Sorry I just can't remember - I will go back to the beginning of the thread.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Yes, it's an immediate obstacle. You are correct. I'm not going to be able to reach him on this, though. They both are thinking it's fine to continue like they are, and OWH is supporting them (essentially) by not demanding they break off the contact. I received no message back from them last night. I don't even know if OWH received my texts saying there should be no contact. Who knows. I'm on an island and the OWH is actually HELPING them out.
I will continue to state that I will not stand for contact, but doubt that it will help.
WAIT! Just as I was typing this, I received a text.
Not putting much credence into it, BUT, here's what it says. "OK. We both agree with you. It sounds like Mike has some problems he needs to work out. He seems terribly unhappy and we will tell him to cease contact."
If your H has been told to cease contact, ( and I know you don't know how REALLY truthful that is at the moment), maybe now is the time to listen and be welcoming?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
If your H has been told to cease contact, ( and I know you don't know how REALLY truthful that is at the moment), maybe now is the time to listen and be welcoming?
Welcome a cheater back with open arms?
He's just going to do it again... he needs to take some ownership.. he's beein avoiding any ownerhsip of his cheating thus far... wont' even admit it fully.
If you baby him and just invite him back he's just going to cheat again.
