I am certainly up for the task. I have never felt this way about her and I have so much to give and I hope its not "too little too late."
Marriage has never meant so much to me. I did so much damage to our R and I am willing to endure hell to reconcile...and have endurer as much so far but I keep going
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Make her lunch dinner ect is something I did everyday when this all began but I stopped because it was considered pursuit. This is also when the EA had first started and reached its peak...
Also I spoke with my friend today he said in the past couple days my W spoke to him....she was upset with him because she knew or felt he was watching and telling me. She is at the point, or at least I feel, she is communicating with him without grudge
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
1. You can make leftovers and tell her it was going to spoil. 2. You can make yourself AND her both a lunch and tell her you already had everythign open so... 3. Just make the lunch and leave it for her, telling her you had the time and she is welcome to it if she wants
These are NOT something all that pushy... I think if you get creative like this tehre is room for you to squeeze soemthing in... just dont' make HER a lunch ONLY... hold it out to her in your hand and ask her if she waould like it.. THAT is pursuit definitely...
I DO think using the imagination is an important part of d-busting.. you need to think creatively is all...
Always cross check your plan though to make sure you aren't pursuing
Granted we have come so far. Looking back to when this first began, especially weeks 3-5, my W was harsh, bitter and cold toward me. Everything I did or said was wrong and for whatever the reason may be she calmed down a lot. But...
I need help with goal setting. To know that the changes I see in my W are good and not just her giving up entirely to the point where it does not matter anymore. I had set goals before but maybe not obtainable ones... If I post goals can someone help revise them to b alittle more obtainable and DB worthy?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
This morning my W and I had the following discussion. We had once thought about, when the tome came, that we would breed our dog. Our dog has reached that age where we have to make the decision to breed or spade. My W said the following
W: we really need to think about whether or not we are going to breed or spade her
Me: well, is that a task you are up for to handle and care for a litter?
W: honestly, if you are going to keep her when I leave than that is up to you.
Me: then no.
End of conversation because I walked away.
Here is the story behind this and let me apologize a head of time to those who have sitches with children involved, please take no offense to this. This is our sitch and what is important to us.
My W had made it very clear many times during our sitch that when she left all she wants is wat belongs to her and the dog. She bought the dog as a gift for the "family" this past christmas so everything is in her name therefore "her dog" and that is all she wants. Now she asks me this question today and tells me it is up to me if I decided to keep the dog?? There is no way she would leave and not take the dog with her so I am going to have to assume she was just trying to throw a shot at me....
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
OIN you need to learn to appreciate the "shots" she's throwing at you ask cries for HELP and her desperately telling you how MISERABLE she is.
The focus should be on HER when she does this, not how YOU feel about words like that. I am sure you took your fair share of shots at her too... you need to set an example by just ignoring them... yes she wants to hurt you... so what are you gonna do about it?
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W: we really need to think about whether or not we are going to breed or spade her
Me: I would love for us to do something like that, I would be happy to help in any way I can. It sounds like fun. Thank you again for bringing her into our home.
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W: honestly, if you are going to keep her when I leave than that is up to you.
Me: If you decide to leave then we have a lot of painful decisions we have to make. Each day with you I am thinking more and more it is giong to be as painful to undo a marriage as it would be to repair it. I am seeing a famliy therapist, so the ball's really in your court there.
(pause)
Thank you again for bringing her into our home, I really love this dog.
