I looked up your old threads but they start with you and your w in peicing stage. Did you change your username or something? Why did she leave last time?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I'm not sure why all the old threads from Newcomers are gone. I imagine there's a lot more posted there and there's a limit to what they archive. But yeah, the only thing left from back then is from piecing.
Last time? She was suffering from depression. At some point somebody called it "undiagnosed post-partem depression". Well, the boys were two at the time. Long story short, she had a breakdown in the spring of '03, got into therapy and on medication, but it didn't really help, and things started to fall apart. I became more and more disengaged. In July of '03 she asked for divorce, and I can see by the first posted in piecing that by Sept. 30 we had resolved to reconcile. So, the whole thing was pretty short-lived. Took a few months to put things back together and figure things out.
And to add on, she never left the house, only went to a seperate bedroom; she didn't file. She made moves to purchace a house for herself, but didn't follow through.
It was clearly a big deal for us at the time, but minor compared to what's happened this time.
She was suffering from depression. At some point somebody called it "undiagnosed post-partem depression". Well, the boys were two at the time. Long story short, she had a breakdown in the spring of '03, got into therapy and on medication, but it didn't really help, and things started to fall apart. I became more and more disengaged. In July of '03 she asked for divorce, and I can see by the first posted in piecing that by Sept. 30 we had resolved to reconcile. So, the whole thing was pretty short-lived. Took a few months to put things back together and figure things out.
Bill, I am continually amazed at the similarities in our situations! My W suffered a bad bout of post partum depression back in 2001 after our first son was born, which led to her first WAW episode. She moved out for a few weeks, but just as in your case, we put in all back together within a few months. I have to admit though, our M never was quite the same again. We didn't deal with the real root causes of our problems.
Bill, I think you're both still acting like a married couple. Hooking stuff up for her in her apt.--you shouldn't be doing that. Or cooking for her or watching movies. And she shouldn't be commenting on what kind of milk you purchase or anything else like that. You need to detach. I think that would solve a lot of your problems and bring you more peace as well....
Originally Posted By: v1olin
I think you should stick with the no contact and dont wimp out this time!
I am apparently extremely dense. Yes. I know. But this is what we're doing...
Our arrangement is that I get them up, W takes them to school, W gets them from school, and I have them from 6:00 pm.
So, this is the first week that I've been back in the house, but this is how it's gone...
Yesterday, W had the boys after school at the house. We've talked about how this make it easier for them to be at their home. W made one of my favorite meals, it was ready when I got home, and she left. Yeah.
She said that she needed to pay some bills, and was asking when the support should start - I just wrote her a check for $2000 and said here you go, if you need it here it is.
Tonight, she had them at her apartment, and she sent me a text at 5:00 and asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. So I did. We I stayed a little while and we talked about the kids' school stuff. One one point, she got up and rubbed my shoulders - really dug her elbows into my knots like she used to. She said at one point "I wish we could call a truce..." I said - are we fighting? And she said, well, she just gets lonely, something like that.
She said she had planned to get me a gift certificate for a massage previouly until I had done something "mean"
So it's true - we're acting, if not like a married couple, certainly not like a divorcing couple.
Neither one of us have talked about the paperwork since Easter, when we kind of agreed that we were going to put off signing it (without any definite parameters). Seems at this point we talk / text more during the day than we used to. Much of it logistics.
I honestly don't know what to make of this.
I wonder if I should be thinking in terms of DBing again.
Originally Posted By: futureunknown
Bill, I am continually amazed at the similarities in our situations! My W suffered a bad bout of post partum depression back in 2001 after our first son was born, which led to her first WAW episode. She moved out for a few weeks, but just as in your case, we put in all back together within a few months. I have to admit though, our M never was quite the same again. We didn't deal with the real root causes of our problems.
Bill, if you do not want to end up here for a 3rd time I think you should be very careful. These things sound promising but be careful. Is there a retrovaille program near you?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
She also put some high-maintainence weirdness out there - requesting a special chair because her back hurt with all the writing, there was one night where she didn't come back down because she wanted to go to bed, and at one point she told the priest that he was rude. Nice.
But - she did try, she did the writing, she did the work, and when we came out of it, she said that she felt really close to me. She also wrote that she felt hopeless about aspects of our relationship. We came out with "closeness" but no resolution.
She at some point later said that what she did next with OM may have been in response to retro, feeling the need to upset the cart, needing to break away, whatever.
