I am feeling more resigned to the idea of D. It's hard to imagine a different outcome at this point. Although I yearn for my H, I'm tired of the rejection...which is not new, it's something that has dragged me down for years. H is a major grudgeholder and someone who has demonstrated that he can make drastic 180 changes in his life within short periods of time. He also has a lot of support for making the transition to divorced dad, from his fellow firefighters, and he had no support for working things out in our M. I just don't see him choosing to do the work that would be necessary for us to reconcile.
I could've written that word for word about my W. She holds grudges, she has a support network and she'd rather run from than work on the issues.
FM, if it makes you feel more in control by imagining D as a probable outcome why not? It makes me feel a bit more 'prepared' when I realize the worst thing that can happen is D. in fact, I think D might actually be good for her. She'll get exactly what she wants. She might think of D as a door she has to open to get to the other side which she believes is a happier life. So I want to let her...I know it won't make things a whole lot different for me than they are now and I'm feeling OK in my own skin. Maybe not ideal but OK. Financially who knows how it'll affect me but I can't worry about stuff beyond my control...or I should try not to anyway.
Having said that, don't give up hope completely just accept things how they are for now but things can change drastically in an instant. Believe that.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
