Our sitch does not involve anywhere near where yours does, but I will tell you that just in our sitch, my wife's anger lasted a quite a while. It does seem to be going away some now, so we'll see. I also heard the no energy comment from my wife. Again, though, our deal does not involve the tragedy yours does.
My C told me a while back that the emotions of a husband and wife are like a dance. You feed (or possibly retaliate) based on the actions and reactions of your spouse. That's one of the reasons I would recommend you really consider absolute love and kindness toward your wife. She experienced your tragedy also, but the two of you may have dealt with it in different ways. I've read that people grieve differently...some withdraw, some want to be around people for comfort. It's tough.
It also takes some people a lot longer to work through their emotions, and they handle them in different ways.
I hope at some point you can afford professional counseling.
I am kind to my wife at all times. I do not hate her. There is still something there between us but it is time to let go. I do not know how long I will be open to reconcile but I will not chase after her. I will ask her how her day was, how she feels, what her dreams are, but I will still push the divorce forward.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
No, no, My wife is not acting. I have tried that strategy myself though. That IS what going dark, acting as if, and many of the other DB techniques ARE.
I have seen it work many, many times to get the WAW to come around enough to work on the relationship.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Can you accept that there may be NO way to get the WAW to come around? That they will come around if and when they feel like it?
That they may have to go through serious adverse situatoin, IE: OM was using them as a whore, and bad talked them terribly outside of their presense, put them in harms way, etc?
That Going Dark, 180 might be about doing what you have to do anyway? Living your life, and not even hoping she comes back? But if WAW does, evaluating that decision when you get there?
Yes, ^^^ this is exactly where I am at this point! I have accepted the fact that she is not coming back and that is her problem. She is headed toward a big let down with this other guy, he will never leave his wife and kids.period. I may not be around for her to fall back on when and if she ever figures out that she was used by him. When you guys are as far along in this as I am then I think you will understand it better.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Turns out I did see that counselor already and he has more problems then I do!