I know that is what I thought as well. I don't think he thought I would actually start the process but I am done playing his games so I am starting it for myself not him. Then later that night I went into our office and locked the door, a few minutes later he comes knocking asking me why did you lock the door? Are you doing something you shouldn't be doing? I said no I just wanted it locked and didn't get into a fight or anything remained calm and collected.
I don't understand guys. He wants a divorce yet he wants me to be the one to call the mediator and get it all started. Then today he gets mad because I won't talk to him on chat while he is at work? Ever since last night when I was online looking at divorce sites he has been wanting to talk etc..
It sounds like he doesn't know what he really wants.
I think you are doing the right thing in choosing to file for yourself; if he wants to stop it, he should step up and say so.
This reminds me of a small anecdote. My wife and I are IM buddies, so we can see each other log in and out. For the most part, I'm online unless I have to reboot my desktop (uninstalling or reinstalling software, patches, etc.)
Anyway, it was almost lunchtime and I needed to reboot my machine. So I set it to restart and started to get ready to go get lunch when I get a text message on my phone. I forget the exact wording but it was something to the effect of "are you leaving early today?"
Not even 2 minutes had passed since I had restarted my computer! What on earth would make her think a) I had a half day, and b) that I wouldn't tell her I was leaving work early?
Last edited by TrentC; 04/07/1011:38 PM.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I agree. Last night I was in a super good mood hanging out with my kids and singing around the house. After the kids went to bed he comes in and asks me why I am in such a great mood, he says you are acting like you have a boyfriend mood. I said nope just having a great day! And I also told him I had to leave another message on the lawyers answering machine again and he said nothing after that.
So today he gets mad at me for texting a girl that plays softball on his team. I think there is an emotional affair going on because he gets really defensive when it comes to anything involved with her. He then tells me that I was told to leave her alone, and didn't. I text her because i wanted her to block my number because I couldn't do it that was all. He is mad at me because she doesn't talk to him now because of me, whatever. I am done with all this stuff.
He knew because she text him about me doing it. She always text him if I do her to tell him I am bothering her so then he gets upset with me because he said that she told me to stop texting her but I didn't. I was asking her to block it because I think there is an emotional affair and I don't want to get the urge to text her anymore and I couldn't block it on my end. My H changes his actions everyday, one day he is remorseful the next short with words. Then he tells me that I need to end all contact with his friends going forward meaning since we are going to seperate.
Another thing, why do guys think that the other person is so great when they have no history with them. I mean they don't have kids, financial, house, cars, in-laws with them to argue about or make you want to seperate. What makes them think that it won't get that way with them in the future if they can't even try to solve the problems they are currently having? Of course the other person will be great because they have no attachments to them like we do. It is like when my H and I first met we got along so well because we didn't have any of the things we have now.
Another thing, why do guys think that the other person is so great when they have no history with them. I mean they don't have kids, financial, house, cars, in-laws with them to argue about or make you want to seperate. What makes them think that it won't get that way with them in the future if they can't even try to solve the problems they are currently having? Of course the other person will be great because they have no attachments to them like we do. It is like when my H and I first met we got along so well because we didn't have any of the things we have now.
That's not limited to men, I hate to say. WAS's in general think that their relationship (and by extension, the LBS) is the root of all of their problems. The OP is new and different and exciting -- as you said, just as we were in the beginning.
This is why one of the things we suggest is to GAL and work on 180s; to become an interesting person again.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I have found through my short time here that it will probably happen in WAS's relationship too with problems for them. It will take time. I read somewhere that it could take from 2 to 4 years to to separate, stay married, or divorce. It is a lengthy process. It will take a lot of patience to reach the end of this rollercoaster ride that we are on. We just have to decide by following TrentC and other's advice to try to cut down on the time that this will happen and the result we hope to achieve.
I am not the best at advice, and I still do not know how to do it too well in my own sitch, but I am learning from others. I do hope I have helped some.
Try to follow everyone's advice here and do your best!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
