No fighting. Really we didn't talk much at all. I went to bed, she came up a bit later and that was it. No drama.
I have a lot of jumbled feelings today. W was not wearing her rings when she got home last night. I called her on it this morning. She gave me that "Geezus, you're making a big deal again..." sigh. There was no convo, just my pointing the fact out. Probably not the right thing but...
So today I am sure SOMETHING is going one. Likely an EA at this point, but whatever it is, she feels compelled to lie about it. Not good.
While I will occasionally vent about certain things, I am not here to be told what to do about the A. I know my options and am fully capable of exercising them. Like Jack said, no committee necessary.
What I am looking for is support for MY part in this, which I suppose I am re-learning is the only thing I can control.
I realize today that going forward, EA/PA, working things out or the big "d" or whatever, my actions won't change... or should I say the actions I SHOULD be taking won't change. I need to do things for myself that allows me to get back to the place I was at during the height of my DBing 3-4 years ago. I need to detach, GAL, validate and stop living based on my expectations.
I hope for support for all that since I am positive that I will waiver from that path greatly in the next days, weeks and maybe months as this all plays out. I don't know where all this will go yet. I can almost hear the bomber flying over, ready to drop the bomb and while I have a certain amount of dread about that, I really think I need to use my experience to start preparing now. Which is to say I need to not focus on that and just prepare myself for being a better person going forward, whatever happens.
That all sounds nice, and I believe it but as you all know by now, I am fairly emotional and prone to fits of "wrong thoughts" so let's hope that doesn't happen today.
The last little bit of honesty is that while I do believe all of the above, there is a very big part of me that still wants to call her and just get it all out, tell her she's lying, tell her to stop with the OM, rant, rave and just "go off". I SO want to do all that but I am also remembering the core principals that really attracted me to DBing of self reflection, self direction and self improvement all with the idea that by changing your personal dynamics, you can change the dynamics of the marriage... much more effectively than any amount of fighting, yelling, ultimatum making, etc, can do.
There, got it all out. Thanks again for all you've done so far ya'll.
GH
Last edited by grasshopper; 04/08/1001:09 PM. Reason: Add update
