I don't want you to think I didn't "get" what you told me. I did, I just needed time to think and absorb.
I've been reading a book that really helped to sink it home to me. I see how critical I've become and I know how that allowed the great love we had to be injured beyond belief. (I can't bring myself to say "die") I'm ready to take the responsibility for my actions and say I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry for all the pain and disconnect I caused you. I know how I caused this disconnect to push you away so our intimacy became painful for you. My greatest regret is that you've said it's too late to give this marriage another chance.
I just want you to know that the feelings in the beginning I had of worthlessness that you tried to get through to me - you did. I'm sorry if your perception is that you didn't because you always made me feel special, loved, cared for, protected. I felt safe with you. You didn't fail that at all. Every little note you wrote, ever little thing, I kept. You protected my eyes from the sun. Inside I'm still that sweet, caring, extremely sensitive girl and the direction that our M has taken caused me to hide that because I was afraid.
