Oh yea, he'd just love that. That's his dream come true that I"m just fine walking away and leaving him alone. Grrrrrrrrrrr He's going to get the silent treatment, sorry. I"ve been pleasant for months just to have nothing in return.
Giving the silent treatment isn't really a 180 because it's punishing him for not giving you the closeness that you want. Cheerfully giving him space and not engaging with him is a 180. It's also a way to maintain your dignity, and the best choice for your S
(((Hope)))
Last edited by flowmom; 04/08/1005:14 AM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I'll figure out some kind of balance I still need to seem dimmish and not like I"m fine with all this but I shouldn't seem reactionary either. This may give him smug satisfaction.
Ok here's where I need help H is coming over tomorrow night after dinner and then I'm going to rehearsal. There will be some overlap potentially as H refuses to let me know what time he will arrive.
What do I do? Leave immediately? Go to the back room? He's going to try to engage me in "normalish" talk which until now I have encouraged to dissipate the tension - for me, and for S.
I would just busy yourself with some stuff around the house. Preferably not stuff in the same room as them, but not so obvious as hiding as far away as possible. I wouldn't initiate any chit chat with husband, but also walk around with my lips pursed shut either, KWIM? Just act busy. Not mad, but busy.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Exactly, NOT mad, hurt etc etc. JUST busy, preoccupied with your rehearsal or something else.
I wouldnt hide. No. YOU have no reason to hide. Remember, this is YOUR house and for now, he is a "visitor". You own the place, you are in your territory, dont fret, walk around like the cat that just ate the bird (do you guys have that saying?). Dont overreact, if he starts a convo, asnwer with something that needs no further discussion. If you can squeeze in a smile, that's fine, if not, just keep calm. Good luck K
I do hope that you can look in the mirror and see how much better you are doing since you have gone dim/dark. I agree that your posts are stronger and the added benefit that you might even have some positives from you H.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Agree w/Freckle and Kalni- uninterested, detached, but polite and "neighborly" (he's just another character in your play- a "neighbor" or "babysitter" type of person who comes to play with S- you'd say hi, then continue with what you're doing and then casually leave with no more thought to them.)
You DO sound stronger already, Hope. I don't know if you can see that now but you are- being dim is building back up your strength!
(((Hope)))
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
