One more thing just popped into my mind... when I called OW, H responded with a VERY forceful (read: unlike him) and VERY angry "the harassing phone calls and emails WILL stop."
One more reason to keep up the phone calls. It's definitely getting to him.
Read OfficerInNeeds earlier posts, you will see how powerful a two-way communication is between both LBS'... he made a good contact in OMW in his sitaution and they exchange INTEL regularly to keep an eye on the other two WS'... he has pretty much busted up his afair and I honeslty think a large partof it was the two way communication he setup
Just be careful - you don't want some sort of injuction taken out against you for harrassment.
Yup, but bear in mind, OWH isn't even challenging his wife's affair... I seriously duobt he's going to bring charges up against passenger for calling him.
And since she's calling his cell not thier shared home line, OW CAN"T COMPLAIN to teh police either
If your H complains to you Pass about your calling him :
"when he calls me and asks me to stop I will.. its not YOUR phone I cam calling so its none of your damn business"
"And more to the point, I am NOT harassing him, I am keeping him informed on the state of his marraige... something his WIFE should ahve been doing... I unlike YOU am trying to SAVE a family from breaking up... instead of attacking innocent children and putting them through a nightmare"
I called and she picked up and would NOT give him the phone. It was ridiculous. And I'm controlling. LOLOL.
Anyway, it was bad, she baited me, I fell for it, tried to remain calm, just kept asking to speak to OWH, but she put me on speaker phone. So, I said what I needed to say to him with her listening. That they were still emailing each other and nothing had changed. She baited me some more, saying if he is emailing her, she's going to respond. I told her to stop responding to him, and she gave me a story about them being friends for 27 years. (bear in mind, they went to high school together and barely talked, and just "reunited" at his high school reunion) She said she's going to listen to him pour his heart out to her. So, I hung up and sent a text message, saying to him to google PEA + brain chemicals +affairs and to get Not Just Friends and read it. That NO CONTACT must be maintained for the withdrawal to occur and if there was contact at all, the withdrawal would not happen and essentially the affair will continue.
Then I told her (knowing she would be reading his phone) that if she thinks she is going to be able to work on her M while staying in contact with H, she's deluding herself. Then I turned off my phone.
Just a thought but would your IL's talk to the OW? I think you have to get yourself out of the picture. She needs to feel ashamed if it's going to work.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You're absolutely right, Saffie. I know that. I was pretty sure he'd be of no help to me but I listened to the advice here and thought I'd give it another shot. I've never met a man with less guts that this guy. No wonder OWH went after my H (or he after her and she allowed it)
I shan't be contacting him again. I said my piece, and now I need to intel gather some other way.
She's an aggressive, heartless woman and I can't believe my H thinks she's sweet... but hey, that's the way the cookie crumbled for me. I just told H that I called him so he'd be warned before going to work and hearing a huge, long email from her about how I have been harassing her.
I have been thinking through one of the problems that H has with me. He said to OW that he's been a yes man for years and I'm not happy with that. Every complaint he has about me seems to be that he can't please me. I don't know where that comes from because he has pleased me more than anyone in the entire world.
Do I tell him this or do I keep it in because he's still under the influence of the A? Oh, this is why I wanted Retro so badly, so I could tell him how I feel and have him actually hear it.
He does (did) so many nice things, fixes my car, my bike, does little things like leave cute notes on my desk. I guess I never told him how much that all meant to me. He made the comment that he wanted to "fix" me because he thought I was low esteem (only for the beginning of our R because of my depression at what was going on then) - and he could never make me feel loved. However, the love I felt over the years was so intense that it overwhelmed me.
I'm reading "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." My heart just hurts so much for what I've done.
In the section on "the worst things a woman does to a man" - I do half of them.
I want to cry, I just want someone to tell me it's going to be OK, it's not too late to save this and make him feel good again.
Excluding him from important decisions Robbing him of the opportunity to help Correcting what he said Questioning his judgment Giving him unsolicited advice Ignoring his advice Implying inadequacy Making unrealistic demands of his time and energy Overreacting Ignoring his basic needs Withholding praise Using a harsh tone Interrupting him
Guys, I'm so very sad right now. I want to hug him and tell him I'm so very sorry. Should I write it into a letter to him? Should I tell him? Should I just leave it alone?
And yes, I'm looking for a FT but haven't found one yet.
H is still trying to do nice things for me, his LL, and in doing so, he's showing me what he knows and perhaps feeling like he's doing what he needs to feed his ego. Should I try to find things for him to do for me? My car needs work right now, so there's that that can be done. Need new light bulbs, windshield wipers, etc. And if he does do that, should I tell him how much I appreciate it, without gushing? I am so afraid of sounding like I'm being fake.
It's definitely getting to him.