Things looked a bit better with my mom today. Hopefully it is just stress she is expierencing...
H came home last night and although I had that talk with him, he sat on the couch and played Wii and then came to bed and immediately iniatied sex.
Something has changed there too. One of the things I am working on the last 3 years is to stop being worried so much about my body and start enjoying sex. Obviously I have made some mental progress which shows. I feel him...surprised. Sex is fine but we still are not making love. He wants me, I can see it, but he seems to keep somekind of distance. Maybe he is waiting for me to start an "after sex" convo which, of course, I will not. He still hasnt said a word to me during sex. When I do remember her emails telling him "if all the things he whispered to her during sex were true then she would be surprised if he was ever able to live without her", I get upset. BUT, I am pacing myself. That will come as well.
I am controlling my thoughts and so far SHE isnt a problem. "She" sneaks in but I manage to make her disappear in nano seconds. Funny how my mind works.
H is very..., how can I say it, acts as he owns me. That is also, strange. Truth is, there is passion there, passion we havent experienecd together for quite some time... (we had not made love since August 2007 anyway).
I hope that wasnt TMI for anyone. I am just startled still with how it happened and with the fact he wants me often... K
