Dude, I still don't understand why she's out having fun and you're moping around the house.
I am not moping around the house. That's the point. I actually have a ton of work to do. That's HER point. I always have work do to whether I am here or gone. She is home or with the kids most of the time. These times out (if we are to assume they are innocent) are her only real time with non-family adults. I have that actually way too much in my life with 2 jobs dealing extensively with people.
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What do you guys do for fun together?
A lot of what we do is centered around the boys but after the last bad times, we both found out how important it is to get some time to ourselves. That said, it's been tough lately to find time, and that's mostly my fault. I really let that priority fall by the wayside when I became more comfortable again. Yes Jack, I admit that
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How do you make her feel special (other than acting like a jealous, needy introvert)?
Wow. Ouch Pretty much hit that one. Actually that's not true. There are kinda two "me's". There's the one that is always "on" when I am around people. I can be the life of the party or at least the conversation. I can be charming, funny, witty and ok to be around. There there's the "me" that really enjoys chilling, especially when I have been doing the social thing all day. That's the me my wife normally gets. The me who would rather stay in because I've been out all day. She is ready to go, and I am ready to chill.
As for what I do to make her feel special, I'd like to think I am a very attentive person but I know that she doesn't really thrive on that. She loves to travel, get out and go. We have just not had the time or money to do much of that lately.
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Just out of curiousity, what did you do, socially, that turned her other friends off so much? How did you feel about that - was it a fair analysis?
She is 100% correct in her analysis. I was a jerk, and telling more of that story (sorry... going long again) would shed a lot of light on this current sitch.
She had a group of friends in college. Some couples, some single people, mostly European (she is a brit and VERY eurocentric). The all liked to get together and cook, drink wine and chat. Occasionally they would go out together. Anyway, I guess I just didn't fit in, or didn't work hard enough to. I just wanted to spend time with her alone and she wanted to spend time with the group. Then there was "the guy" in the group. Skipping ahead to years later, this guy turned out to seriously never be more than a friend, and eventually, yes, a friend of mine but at the time, when I first was around them, I suspected he was more. It caused me to act like a jealous ass and laid down what my wife claims is her entire rationale for not trusting me in these situations.
When I was around them I would just sulk and not really talk too much, basically counting down the minutes when we could leave. Nice, huh? I really had to face this aspect of myself in IC and I think I did. Too bad I forgot all that self discovery
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I've been checking out meetup.com groups. Maybe you should look on there and see if anything sounds like fun. Suggest a get-together to her as a way to get out and experience new things. Spend some light-hearted - let's have fun - not talk about R - time together.
We do a lot together as a family and even as a couple. We enjoy concerts and have been to a few in the past couple months. It's not for lack of ideas, it's lack of time and money that's been holding us back.
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As someone who went down the drinking path, I'd be aware of that one. Drinking is an escape. I say that, though, with caution. You aren't going to run off and text her about it, are you? Or want to turn it into a R talk when she gets home? Cause that'd be a bad bad move.
I am not texting or calling at the moment. As predicted though, she's not called in like 2 hours after the last text saying she'd call in a bit to get a ride home. Oh well, I am going to try something I have not been able to do yet and just sit tight. She'll call and then I'll go from there.
Pretty much hit that one. Actually that's not true. There are kinda two "me's". There's the one that is always "on" when I am around people. I can be the life of the party or at least the conversation. I can be charming, funny, witty and ok to be around. There there's the "me" that really enjoys chilling, especially when I have been doing the social thing all day. That's the me my wife normally gets. The me who would rather stay in because I've been out all day. She is ready to go, and I am ready to chill. 