rr22, I like your thinking - counseling in the am, chillaxin in the pm. : )
Good point about couseling helping me to understand if working through this might be something I want and if H is taking enough responsibility. I have a feeling that will be an issue. Like in some sick way, he'll try to act like his cheating was justified bc he wasn't happy, he wasn't getting his sexual needs met at home or some other bogus excuse.
So true - I don't have the desire to invest more energy into something that both of us don't want. That was a helpful post, thank you.
As for sleep, Ugh - I don't feel tired and I'm gonna have a sweet little 3 yr old who is fully charged and ready to go early in the morning.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Right, it's not going to hurt to give counseling a try. I'm gonna look into it.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Is saying some people have come out of this tunnel, Puppy Dog Tails "disgust" is a strong word.
just noticed this....as for me i called "disgust" the "hebi-jebies" in my thread. I still get them but have learned a little better how to push them out of my head....mostly focus on something that makes me happy (kids mostly nad how to be closer to them...they know something was going on) ....for the real bad ones...time to lace up the running shoes and run till it hurts...then run some more.lol Fortunately, the extreme "occurances" are fewer and fewer over time.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Gotcha. Kinda like at this point thinking about my H makes my skin crawl, but with time it should get better. I just need a positive way for me to push past the thoughts and do something that is helpful for me - whether it be prayer, exercise, etc.
IDK why, but I am upset that he hasn't apologized. I guess he's still in his crazy a$$ fog and I shouldn't have expectations, but still. After lying for 2 years about everything, what made him finally admit it on Monday night? Yes, I was bugging the crap out him to tell me the truth, but I've done that many times before and he lied. Why finally tell the truth?
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
skin crawl....could not describe my hebi-jebies any better. did read something one time about picturing a big red stop sign when the mental movies start....and in my case the guy USED to be my friend so the pictures were pretty vivid.
edit - look into the book "not just friends" some good stuff in there about after the A
the truth and apology thing....my guess is something happend with OW and he is confused about what to do. ...again no expert here, but i am sure he has a TON of things going through his head and has no idea of what to do....he has been living a lie for so long that the truth is probably hard to come by.
Gman
Last edited by gman; 04/08/1002:55 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
It makes me wonder. We had a really good Easter. He came to church with DD & I. That's only the 2nd time he's been to church with us in the last 2 years - for Christmas to see DD sing and for Easter. After church, we took DD to his aunt's for an egg hunt, came home did another egg hunt and let her open her Easter basket. Then the following day - PA bomb.
I just don't know. It seemed like things had been going better for us, we were texting and talking more - but all that good stuff is now tainted by what has happened.
About a month ago, he made some comment in a text that he made a mistake. When I asked what the mistake was he said moving out. He started a new job about 2 weeks ago - so there is a lot going on with him and like you said, gman, probably a lot of things going through his head.
Whatever though...I don't have any sympathy or compassion for him right now. He also commented that he's sick of $hit, money issues, life (I guess he's just feeling stressed, maybe a little depressed?), but really there's no empathy here. He did all of this to himself.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
souunds like a wave of GUILT has taken him now...the lies the hurt, the disappointment of failing as a H and perhaps a F?
they are looking for that sympathy (same thing my W did after i gave her a strong front to face everyday.), trying to turn the table and make them look like a victim in the whole scheme of things.....strange stuff A's and the aftermath.
your are right it was his DECISION - now what you do from herre forward is up to you.
take your time.
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
The cheating spouse as the victim? OOOOOOoooooo Please! I can so see my H trying that b.s. Anyway, thanks for the book recommendation earlier. I'm gonna hit up Barnes & Noble or Amazon for some new resources. How sad that my collection of books will turn from a focus on how to save my marriage & being a good wife to getting over an A. : (
I have a question. H set up this ridiculous every other wkend arrangement to visit DD. Probably so he could eat cake e/o wkend, yet still act like he's a decent dad. This arrangement usually consists of him coming over Friday-Sunday and spening time with DD. He comes to our house (he doesn't take DD to his house, which has been my preference).
Anyway, this is his scheduled wkend, but I don't want to see him. I'm not trying to deny him time with DD (hell...he's made that choice countless times since he moved out). I want him to take next wkend instead for 2 reasons - 1. I'm not ready to see him that much. 2. I have to work next wkend and he's going to need to watch DD anyway.
I'm going to text him shortly and I'm not sure how to word it. I want to get the point across that I don't want to see him. Any suggestions? He hasn't tried to contact me since Tuesday (although I did him see on Tues. & Wed. when he was here).
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
dang....hope Allan or Puppy see this as they are WAY better with the right thing to say.
at this point i would just say something like "hey i know this is normally your week-end with DD, but i just found out that i have to work next week-end so why don't you just plan on next week-end in stead of this weekend, thanks."
but wait as long as you can to see if anyone else chimes in with BETTER wording...lol
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Ugh...don't I get to say something like not wanting to see him?
Your response sounds too nice. But then again...I know I can't be mean and ignore him forever.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
