I'm sorry you're going through this. No one deserves this. Do you have the finances to get to a few sessions of counseling right now to deal with some of these emotions? It might help you sort out whether or not you even want to or can deal with H right now.
I'm disgusted that he would cheat and that he would choose spending time with OW over DD. Now that is about as shameful & despicable as it gets. Excuse me while I vomit now. Ugh.
And I'm totally disgusted that he has lived this fake life for the last 18 months, actually...the b.s. had to start prior to him even moving out so more like 24 months. And I cannot believe he would roll up here on his days to visit and act like everything was cool. That he just needed to figure things out bc he wasn't happy - what freaking ever.
He can choke on the cake he's been eating.
And all of the lies disgust me too - bc it was lie after lie. Oh and all of the $ he's wasted on paying for 2 homes and everything else.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
rr22, I work for my local hospital and I actually think we have an Employee Assistance Program where we can go to counseling for free. Well, we used to be able to anyway. I'll have to see if it's still available.
I'm not big on the counseling thing, but I absolutely recongize that I have a lot of emotions to work through. It could be a good outlet for me - although I'd be happy to work through my emotions in a hot tub with a nice, fruity cocktail. ; ) j/k
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I'm not big on the counseling thing, but I absolutely recongize that I have a lot of emotions to work through. It could be a good outlet for me - although I'd be happy to work through my emotions in a hot tub with a nice, fruity cocktail. ; ) j/k
Definitley in favor of the hot tub/cocktail plan, but the counseling will help you. I never saw a counselor pre-bomb, but have since then. One of the best decisions I made. Just go once, especially ig you have EAP assistance.
GIMA, IDK your sitch too well, but did counseling help you sort through your conflicted emotions? Help you to decide what was best/what you wanted?
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
GIMA, IDK your sitch too well, but did counseling help you sort through your conflicted emotions? Help you to decide what was best/what you wanted?
It helped me to understand the understandable and to let go of what was not. So, yes, it helped. It brings clarity, which resolves the other issues you raise.
I'm not even sure. I feel conflicted about what to do (file or not), if I could ever forgive him (if at some point I decide I want to try - not even ready to consider that right now), if I could ever really be happy with him again and if deep down eventually I might want him back or if I'm just more intersted in keeping my family together (for DD's benefit).
Confused and conflicted for sure, but that's okay. It's gonna take time to sort this all out.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Courts said: I'm not big on the counseling thing, but I absolutely recongize that I have a lot of emotions to work through. It could be a good outlet for me - although I'd be happy to work through my emotions in a hot tub with a nice, fruity cocktail. ; ) j/k
I'm pro counseling in the morning, fruity cocktail and hot tub in the evening!
I agree that a few sessions of counseling can give you an idea of whether YOU can handle even considering working through this to reconcile and get a prediction of whether or not they think HE is taking enough responsibility at this point in his life to truly fix it. THe last thing you want is to put a bunch of effort in that will lead to nothing because you or he is not able at this time. It can just help you sort things out or, at least, vent in a private space and LEAVE some of the crap THERE.
I'm not even sure. I feel conflicted about what to do (file or not), if I could ever forgive him (if at some point I decide I want to try - not even ready to consider that right now), if I could ever really be happy with him again and if deep down eventually I might want him back or if I'm just more intersted in keeping my family together (for DD's benefit).
Confused and conflicted for sure, but that's okay. It's gonna take time to sort this all out.
You don't have to answer those questions right now. Don't know your sitch, but I think counseling can only help. What do you have to lose? You can always stop counseling if you want.
