Aren't teenagers darling? I was told the closer your son is too you, the harder he has to push away to find his independence.
I can't remember. Does their dad have the kids during the week, or just on weekends?
It is much easier to have no contact. But kids need both parents. If the father wants to take an active role then that's a good thing, even though it's a trigger for you.
And that's what it is.. a trigger. The down slide of emotions is just getting caught up in the old thoughts, the old messages.
Remorse? Shamorse! It's not going to happen. He will never validate your feelings, be able to give you the answer you're seeking. It's like wishing that a blue dye would be activated when folks pee in a pool to reveal the offenders. A dream.
From my experience, the cycling of obsessive thoughts is anxiety running at full tilt, going over information you've processed in the past. Follow the techniques that break the cycle. Work with your counselor. And if that doesn't work, consider alternatives, like meds.
You are wonderful, strong.. even if you're shorter than your son. And size doesn't matter. You're his mom, larger than life. Be consistent with your boundaries. I don't know if he texts, but I suspended texting through Verizon for a week for my daughter when she wasn't focusing on homework. It hit home.
One suggestion from the state mandated parenting class seemed interesting. That the parents spend 15 minutes on the phone once a week reviewing what the kids are up to, bringing each other up to speed. The hurt you're healing from as a former spouse is one thing. Your children having an effective father figure is another.
My children's father has abandoned them. They did nothing for Easter.. nothing. Haven't seen him since a diner breakfast at Christmas. And it's terrible on so many levels. I will never try to be both parents. Being a mom is enough.
Being able to co-parent is a gift, even if it's hard to swallow.
