FM. got the "from abandonment to healing" book. Really good. It validates everything I feel - all the lack of appetite, the anxiety the desire to call him. And it does fit that I have had a ton of abandoment in my life. I guess I have to sit with the feelings.
Hey, out of all the things you could have heard accidentally--him teaching a class was good!
So with what he said about looking forward to seeing you--how would you have the character of Hope act towards him tomorrow that conveys some warmth but keeping distance at the same time?
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Makes it very hard to pullback and not have hope when he says that. Still planning to go to the neighbor's tomorrow night but I don't know if I'll have the strength.
H4L, I'm so glad you're reading that book. It really does normalize the nightmare that we go through. Just the physical symptoms alone are unreal.
H saying he was looking forward to seeing you...I hope this encourages you to stay dim! Keep it up! You're going to have to be strong tomorrow to avoid conversations/arguments. He will feel your distance and may want to engage you somehow. Like Freckle advises: have a plan for how you're going to react to positive or negative attention from him...and still keep your distance.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
What Flo said about being dim "working" for you right now. Go to the neighbors with a smile on your face throwing kisses as you close the door.
Just because you do this again, doesn't mean you have to keep hiding when he comes over. I think that just because of everything last week, it's best you keep up some of this "going dark" stuff up. And being at the neighbors will make it less likely that you try to initiate any R talks with him. Maybe if this cease fire keeps up through the weekend, you can start staying home, but holed away in another room and then reassess at that time.
How does he rationalize going to MC with you but saying everything else he did? Do you guys talk about R issues or is it focused on parenting/family issues? I know rational and WAS doesn't work, but this is like an extreme example of mixed signals and confusion.
You're doing good. stay strong. If the urge to talk to him gets too bad, write him a letter. Then stuff it somewhere, burn it, post it here, or whatever--but don't give it to him. I wrote lots of those letters. It helped getting my feelings out and organized and by the time I was done, I was usually so emotionally exhausted, I couldn't have talked to him about the weather, let alone anything else.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
I don't know how he justifies MC. The MC doesn't either. I have worked on confrontin ghim on his anger and had some success. In his mind it could be just for co parenting, though, I don't know.
Before all this went down i told him we never worked on our deeper issues, even when together and i felt that we didn't know each other. I told him I waited until the sep papers were signed at his request but now I want to talk about those thins. He agreed! More mixed signals. IRght when he's saying all this bout being done and having a gf.
I told him also that just as he wants me to face that D maybe best I want him to consider that working on our M may be best. I know it's not DB but he agreed to that too! I'm telling you I don't know what ot think.
You're right I can still keep it up and go to my neighbor's. For now at least.
freckles said: Just because you do this again, doesn't mean you have to keep hiding when he comes over. I think that just because of everything last week, it's best you keep up some of this "going dark" stuff up. And being at the neighbors will make it less likely that you try to initiate any R talks with him. Maybe if this cease fire keeps up through the weekend, you can start staying home, but holed away in another room and then reassess at that time.
I agree.
Go to neighbors as planned. Don't back down. He said he was looking forward to seeing you to engage the old push pull. don't be part of it. Wait for real change and real coming forward.
And go pleasantly and friendly like. not passive aggressive. Go with a hope you two have a nice night; talk to you soon attitude.
Oh yea, he'd just love that. That's his dream come true that I"m just fine walking away and leaving him alone. Grrrrrrrrrrr He's going to get the silent treatment, sorry. I"ve been pleasant for months just to have nothing in return.
H4L...HB keeps telling me that I need to become the opposite, just as your H has become the opposite of what he was! Wondering how that would work in your sitch?
Your "spunk" is back in your posts!!! Like that!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
