LR: Why does he say these things maybe habit, we all laugh at some point and say "im off if you dont behave yourself" but its something else to me now!
I think he's just clueless and was trying to engage naughty rabbit. Not that it makes it any easier on you!
I'll think some about the anniversary. Not sure. Would be a nice time for new rings in an ideal world but not now probably. How about some lighter celebration like a special picnic or, I don't know, something light, out of the ordinary ho-hum but without the burden (financial or emotionally) of "renewing vows" and "wearing our rings" and all that?
Good luck with your busy schedule! Sounds like you're getting more rest now or H is being nice. One or the other!
On second thought, if he wasn't playing and he was being passive agressive, it would be nice to find out what it is he wants you to fix that he won't say normally out loud.
Sounds like it's worth following up on what happened in the bedroom to clear the air...
As for the anniversary...I hope you get some good advice on that one.
Good luck with all your work. I hope that you'll be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel soon.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
The anniversary issue is a tough one. Ours is in Aug. and it will be 20 years! I am hoping we will be in a good place, maybe even renewing vows? But, there needs to be significant progress for that to happen. If our anniversary was a month away we (or I should say i) would not be ready for that. I think acknowledging the day would be good, but in a more low key way for now. Kind of like what you did with Valentine's day. Maybe (hopefully) next year your wedding anniversary can be something with lots of celebration! What do you think?
I'm so sorry that your buttons are being pushed - by what he said and by the rings and the anniversary. I don't know the right advice but I do know that you ARE MARRIED - things are different now, but you share your lives once again, he loves and appreciates you and although that was an insensitive thing to "joke" about in bed, you know there are still difficult feelings to sort out. BUt that is marriage and honey you have one don't lose sight of that.
So he doesn't wear the ring. He is by your side every day and you are figuring out your feelings. Don't let that throw you .I literally just don't look at my H's hands any more because I react when I see he has no ring. But look at his actions, not his hands.
I know it doesn't feel like much of a marriage right now, with the bills piling up and with so much hurt still unprocessed. I konw it's not where you ultimately want to be but you will get there. I know there's still so much confusion and feelings - it will take time to sort it out. I'm sure you wonder if it ever will get sorted out. It's been a long hard year for you and I"m sure you want this anniversary to be special after what you wen through. I hope that for you too!
H4L hugest hugs, you put all my feelings so elequently into words, think maybe I'm hoping for too much to soon!
2011 is our 25th anniversary so perhaps I should focus on that, this one is more the "do I celebrate a non wedding anniversary"
yesterday I was watching a cooking program and the chef lost his wedding ring, H showed empathy for him and even joked his wife would D him for that! My only thought was WTF! Is my H really on this planet currently. Can he not see I feel the same. Can he not see I don't wear mine not cos of tit for tat but hurt!
Anyway enough ranting need everyones prayers for job opportunity we need this to happen now! Felt bad today because I had good day at work but told H and later unprompted he said again what a clever bunny I was.
Really exhausted so off to bed now (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi LR-I will pray for the job situation for your H! I guess I am one of those who don't think rings are a big deal (lost mine several years ago...I know!) And H quit wearing his because he couldn't wear it to work and was too hard to get on and off! Try not to worry about the rings right now! You will know when it gets closer to your anniversary how to celebrate it! Wishing you all the best!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Fingers crossed for your H's job situation. Think it could help a lot.
I like the idea of concentrating on 2011 big anniversary instead. It's a positive reframing of current sitch and something to look fwd to besides. With H's current employment and $ issues, less fun would be had anyway because of cloud hanging over....
Men probably never cared so much about rings in the first place actually. More of a female thing.
LR, if rings are important to you then I think you should wear yours as a symbol of the marriage that you want.
Sending good vibes for new employment!!!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
