Saw your post on FB. It's funny - we must be in sync today. Had felt like I'd reached an absolute turning point of no looking back last week. All was absolutely positive.
Met with XW today. Went fine, but I left feeling like, after having an A and treating me like sh*t, she'd been able to move on to a great life. I'd been left picking up the pieces. And still am to a certain extent. Still don't really know the reason why.
But you know what? So what. I'm not living her life. I'm living my life. It may not be as shiny and positive as she makes out her life to be, but it's the best I've got. And I'll be damned if I let her get me down. I would LOVE for her to feel remorse, but I know she doesn't process things that way. I, however, do process things that way. I would feel remorse. So everything I push on to her, is really about me.
Hard to admit it, but it's true. But here's the silver lining. We're thinking this through. We're analyzing ourselves and measuring the responses. We're much better prepared for anything life throws our way. Them? Not so much.
I know this isn't much consolation, but part of living is dealing with the curves thrown your way. Each day you're stronger and more in control, whether it's obvious or not.
