Me? I'm done-er than last year's Christmas goose. Apart from saving the lives of Themselves, I can't imagine a set of circumstances under which I'd consider anything other than finishing this paperwork and breathing free air.
People who are done, who are emotionally D, who have moved on do not have the kind of email discussions or face-to-face discussions that you continue to have with W. That's just how it is.
But, think what you will, keep a closed mind if you must. It just takes a lot more energy, most of it negative, to keep the door closed on your M that way. How can you move forward with your back up against the door? Again, you can wear blinders to avoid surprises in the world to stay firmly on your path or you can take off the blinders, commit to your path, but allow that some surprises just might steer you in a different direction.
I think that fills my quota for questionable analogies today. From your posts, I'm pretty sure that you'll trip over your own open mind some day some distance down the road. Sometimes you trust a stranger and take a shortcut. Sometimes you don't.
Or, you can close the door on your M, lock it securely with a key that represents respecting your boundaries, move forward with D, but allow in your own mind that W might turn out to have a copy of the key or not. You simply don't know right now.
See, to me, "Hello, Goodbye" sounds not-done. It says "I can't talk about that."
I can talk about it with STBX all day long. I have no positive feelings for her at all. That part of my world exists without hue -- red-for-love; no green-for-jealousy; no black-for-anger. As I put it in my last thread, I'm beige; I beige her.
So if she asks a question - "why can't we be Teh Awesome Exes and hang out and stuff?" - I'm happy to provide answer: because I don't like you. I don't have Not-Like for you - I just don't have any interest in your existence as a human being apart from your role as my kids' mother.
[And memo to STBX, don't leave for a 7-day Foreign F*ck Fest and promise the kids you'll send them e-mails and pictures and let it now be the 7th day and be on your way to Humongous Foreign Airport for the flight Stateside and not have sent them a single thing, 'cause I'm not making excuses for you but I don't want to bad-mouth you to Themselves, either -- and they're pissed.]
And that, to me, is Done-ness. Doesn't mean I won't call her out on the Batsh*t Karazee - does mean I don't give a rat's a** why she's crazy or what she's hurting about. Maybe she is hurting; maybe she is confused. That's a problem.
But it's not my problem.
As my old Drill Sergeant used to say, where she's concerned it's a choice between hard-a** and bubblegum - and I'm fresh out of bubblegum.
There's a key to the cipher-lock of my heart, alright. And judging by my experience (cf, Schnarch Passionate Marriage) of Miss Someone these past 6 months, STBX wouldn't be likely to find it with a map, a compass, and a troop of Boy Scouts.
Why are others projecting THEIR definitions of "done-ness" onto ol' SP here?
It seems to me that the person in the best position to determine their level of done-icity is Smiley himself. He's always marched to his own drummer (no, SP, I'm not calling you "batchit crazy here ) ; so maybe he uses a different measuring stick for his heart's done-ness?
Why are others projecting THEIR definitions of "done-ness" onto ol' SP here?
It seems to me that the person in the best position to determine their level of done-icity is Smiley himself. He's always marched to his own drummer (no, SP, I'm not calling you "batchit crazy here ) ; so maybe he uses a different measuring stick for his heart's done-ness?
Puppy
Awesome, awesome post, Puppy!
See, that's what's so cool about being an individual. We each have different experiences which shape our lives and reactions to said lives, loved ones, etc.
) ; so maybe he uses a different measuring stick for his heart's done-ness?