Scratch that. I hate him. I f***ng hate him. I hate the decisions he made, I hate the things he did, I hate the things he said, and I hate that he thinks that I'm the one with issues and I hate what's become of our family. Thank you, I'm sorry, screaming over for the moment...
Feel, express, and be thankful for that anger. It's appropriate, necessary, and healthy. As I work through Susan Anderson's The Journey From Abandonment To Healing, I realize I haven't hit - or allowed myself to hit - the anger/rage stage. And it's an important and vital stage. You are there. As you should be. It's normal. I'm lagging a bit in the stages. Stuck, almost. Anderson is helping me move on, healthfully.
Take care.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Counter-proposal has been reviewed by my atty and I e-mailed it to stbx this morning. Waiting for the sh!t to hit the fan now. He offered $800/mo for 36 months spousal and no child support; under income equalization theory that should have been $2800. I countered with $2500 and waived child support. (There's only one year of it since D17 is in 11th grade). Very curious as to what his counter will be...
Maybe it's a good thing I'm out of town next week- I'm leaving on Saturday to visit my brother in Houston!
Yes, the sh!t will hit the fan, but this is very normal.
Don't sweat him. You are one cool chick and it is frustrating him that you won't cooperate or be manipulated by his ridiculous demands anymore.
I remember how he told you that you wouldn't get a dime, could just get your @ss out with nothing but the clothes on your back, yadda....yadda....LOL!! As if!!
But it scared me at the time that you believed him. I'm so glad you got an atty of your own. Don't discuss $$$ or any other settlement with h anymore. Let your atty handle it.
D17 is asking questions. I want to answer honestly but I think I'm throwing stbx under the bus by doing so. I'm not sure if I said too much, or if some honesty was needed and stbx needs to own up to some of his decsions. Maybe I handled this wrong.
Here's a sampling of what she asked: Q: I thought you and dad were going to talk in June before making any decisions? My A: I thought so too, but dad declined. He offered to talk if I really wanted him to, but I pointed out that it just won't work if we're both not serious about it. We're just going through the motions otherwise.
Q: So you're just going to get divorced? Were you planning on telling us? A: I told Dad recently we needed to sit down with you to give an update. (Unmentioned to D17 was stbx's response to that: "yeah, but they probably have it figured out by now."
What brought all this up? D17 is at a friend's house this week for spring break. She went to stbx's house tonight to get more pillows for her campout and found stbx watching movies in the bedroom with a "friend". She asked if he had a girlfriend, but he claimed that she was just a "friend". She asked me how stupid does he think she is, when it's now right in front of her, and he comes home repeatedly at 3am?
I thought I was being honorable to stbx by not talking to the kids without him about the state of our M. I remember how furious he was last fall when I told him that I had mentioned to S19 that we were in MC. He's not here, but he still has a presence until we're actually divorced. And I still temper my actions by fearing his reactions... When does that stop?
Should I say something to STBX about last night? I really don't care what he's doing, but until the D is done, AND THE KIDS ARE TOLD WHAT'S GOING ON, I think he should keep the women out of the house since D17 still spends most nights there. I'm going to encourage her to stay at my place more often so she's not privy to his coming and goings.
I don't think talking to him about last night would change anything. He is going to do what he's going to do. From my best guess at his personality, if you suggested something, he'd do the opposite, just to "show" you.
