let me start off by saying I know how you feel about the ex. However a quote from a previous post kind of brings me back to reality: <<You don't treat your friends the way he treated me.>> That and a few other thoughts have kept me from accepting "friendly" invitations.
<< To those down the road a ways, when do the LBS pain of rejection go away?>>
Well it begins to go away when you truly detach (I know that is a cliche around here). When we begin to see other people. Does the pain totally dissipate....maybe with time.
Bottom line. I know I have said this before...there are good people out there....people who treat their friends right.
Maybe you are just one of the lucky few that can pull this off. I don't have a whole lot of feelings for ex. I certainly don't want to have lunch, hang out or go to a movie with him. We were best friends before this last affair came to light. You don't treat your friends the way he treated me. He burned too many bridges in my book.
As for Dan, I think he will continue to stay connected to you as much as he can. That way he won't feel that he has done anything really "wrong". He has issues that he needs to work through. I am not sure how much he work he will do if you continue to stay connected. Hope that makes sense.
You do have to do what feels right for you because we aren't in your shoes.
hugs, kat
My counselor and I talked about this just today...she btw thinks I am coming along FABULOUSLY!!
She said she thinks I can have these small interactions w/Dan bc I now longer have any expectations of him. I know that he can come over, eat lunch, and then quite possibly go hook up with ow(s)....I don't look for 'connections' or 'revelations' or 'progress' every time we share the same air anymore...
Conversely she thinks that the fact that I am no longer waiting with baited breath for him to come back home is prob doing a number on him and is the reason he is increasing his contact this week...
We agreed that I will accept only the invitations that I feel like accepting (such as going to lunch with the kids, hanging out in the yard when he comes to pick up/drop off kids, etc) and decline all others. Also I won't accept very many in a short amount of time as I do not want the kids to get the wrong idea....
But you are right, a real friend doesn't do the kinds of things these guys did...
Well, hmm... does text sex count? Not my fault, I TOLD you he was good with words!
No yucky pictures, I don't do that stuff, just a very nice story...
And Kat I am pretty sure we will get together this weekend. So the kissing question will be answered. Boy that will suck if he is a good story teller but a bad kisser...good in theory but bad in practice!!??
I actually am cool with the texting tonight bc it was prefaced by my telling him I am a total flirt but in real physical reality I move at a much slower pace...and he said he agreed...
1) I realized his rejection of me wasn't really about me, it was about him. He hates his life and has to find a scapegoat, so it's me...so I have learned that is just isn't my problem to worry about!
2) I started taking care of myself, and rediscovering my self, what I like, what I don't like, etc etc instead of trying to fit a mold that I hoped would make him happy. The irony here is you can't change to please them bc then they don't like this contrived person you have become anyway! Dan has told me to my face that I am more like the old BBJ he used to know and love and he is glad to see that...so when he lashes out I remember that he isn't really mad at me anyway
3) I won't lie, getting attention from the opposite sex helps. Yesterday I got a text and was actually disappointed that is was from Dan and not R...funny how things change!!
So funny my C thinks he will keep trying to engage me since I am not reaching out...
I heard from the accountant yesterday, we sent our tax stuff to the guy in Kansas City who is familiar with our cattle and stuff and has done our taxes for 4 years now (another plus to this??? Next year I do taxes on my own and no complicated farm stuff to work out!)...
Anyway he calls all chipper that we are getting over 10K back...I get all of it bc Dan still owes me big for my settlement. I text Dan with the tentative refund amount and he sends back 3 replies. He is very concerned/bummed, thought we were getting 20K back bc he spent so much on the cattle biz last year??
I didn't engage, I just said, "Well I thought 10 was a lot, but here is their phone # if you have questions..."
He texted me again later, "Was that just the federal amount? Still not sure why it wasn't more"....I did not reply as I already gave him the accountant's #. He can find out if he wants to...
Then this morning I get a text, "Will you play catch with Nate tonight please?" Really? Did that requrie a text?
Gotta go, work to do.
Oh and did I mention big time hair appt on Saturday?? Going way blonder, I have 3 inches of dark blonde outgrowth I need to turn lighter, and thinking I will take 3-4 inches off and get a cute summery bob-type style...I love spring and summer!
I need to turn lighter, and thinking I will take 3-4 inches off and get a cute summery bob-type style...I love spring and summer!