The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

I keep wondering why I can't past her/this? Even when it got heated and her anger started pouring out I just wanted to reach over hug her. I promised to love, honor and obey this woman and I want to keep that promise. I'm just such a fixer. I think I can fix everything. I keep believing buried under all the depression and anger is the person I married nearly 14 years ago.

People on this site preach all the time that person is dead. She is gone. It's so, so hard to get it through my thick skull.

A lot of people would have listened to her and said, 'you know what, forget her.' I haven't been able to totally. I have long, long stretches where it's OK, but I keep Clinging To Hope.

One thing I realized is that we're fighting over different things. She wants control. She wants to be able to tell me how things will be and what I can and can't do and can and can't see.

I want time. I could care less about who the schools call first or who sets up doctor appointments. If she wants to take the lead on that, that's fine. I just want time. More of it.