The latest with me

[ImprovedRomeo]

I just replied with this:

"Sure. I'll go ahead and get them transferred in my name and pay directly instead of giving you the monthly checks. Thanks."

I've been on hold forever to get this done. The electric company apparently did it already but I can't log in online...sigh. The gas company changed the name but now I have to call their 'online' dept to unlink W's email account from the gas company account. It'd be easier if she just changed the password and email address and gave me the access but I kinda don't feel like asking her for anything. Anything she might see as 'helping me'. Phone company said the 'net connection will go down for 2 days...what??? I can't be without the 'net! Water and trash...haven't even started. what a pain and a waste of time!

[mindfull]

Romeo - Sounds like a hassle! Sorry we got disconnected last night. Darn kids interrupting all the time! Hope all is well. I just read and caught up.

[flowmom]

I like the idea of offering a switch on her bday -- it's gracious and she can always decline.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks guys!

Things are OK, the car did overheat...not quite but got close to it. This is right after I picked DD up from school. So I pull over into a parking lot, pop the hood. Too hot to open the radiator cap. Texted W about it, she replied 'do you want me to come get you or are you ok?' DD of course starts crying because she wants me in the car not outside...sigh. Anyway, I start looking around to see what the issue might be, obviously it's been losing coolant somehow. Wife texts again 'do you need me to come or no???' so I reply back saying i'm ok for now trying to fix it. Once the engine cooled down enough I filled the radiator and bled the air out of the system and away we went. Got home, let DD ride her bike for a bit, then ate dinner while watching her fav show caillou on netflix, then did her homework and just put her to bed. I let her call W but when I came back she was talking to her friend there...so I waved at her to say good bye and right then W came back online and said 'aww you're going already? I didn't even get to talk to you' and DD said 'daddy said to say goodbye' dope! I said 'no it's ok i just came back into her room, you can talk' W said 'it's ok'...sigh! oh well she shouldn't have put the other girl on even if DD asked...it's her time to talk to her mom not her friends.

I also sent W an email about her sleeping schedule today telling her to please make sure she's getting to bed early enough that she gets her 10hrs which is what's recommended for her age and if there's a way to keep her bedtime consistent, she has to wake up at 6AM when she's with me.

[alice444]

good on the consistent sleep- you can't control what she does but you put your expectation out there. I'm glad your car didn't overheat!

[ImprovedRomeo]

So this morning we go outside and I looked underneath the car and there was a puddle of coolant UGH!! so I'm pretty sure the waterpump's gone. I so don't feel like working on it - none of our cars have been a shop for at least 10 years.

So I get DD out of car car seat, switch the car seat to the truck, hear DD complain about how she's cold and if I'm done yet when I'm already late for work etc. Driving the truck this much hurts...mostly the wallet. 18mpg vs. 29mpg and I'm driving 150miles a day and the gas prices here are $3.30/gal lately.

So I'm trying to decide what to do...yeah that 5 series sounds nice but like my current 3 series these cars require more upkeep as opposed to a Honda or something.

Oh W replied yesterday "Yes I will try to get her to bed earlier. That's why she didn't end up calling you on Sunday cause I rushed her to bed."

Confused and sleepless in Seattle SoCal.

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK so I was looking through the draft emails and I found this one I was going to send her. This is the day after it was clear that she's not moving back in.

"Granted I wrote the last emails not realizing that you've already decided to not come back I still want to know what I did this time?

- You're not in any kind of danger (you used to say my anger was out of control)
- I never ask where you go or who you see etc (you used to say I was controlling)
- I never try to make you feel hurt inside (you asked me to never bring up things that happened when we were separated and I never did)
- I even tell you to not worry about your job and I tell you to turn your downtime into something positive (you used to say I wasn't supportive - which couldn't be further from the truth).
"

So I'm sitting here pondering if I should send it to her or not? I guess it would be against the DB rules because it's R talk.

[ImprovedRomeo]

wow things are happening today, she just sent me this email (in reply to the bills/utilities email I sent to her yesterday):

Ok, thanks. I also just emailed the jetblue itinerary for DD and I to you. Let me know if you don't receive it since I sent it through their system. Going from 4/27-5/5 (red-eye flight on 27 so arrive morning 28th.) There weren't a lot of good options for flights. Most from SNA took me on two stops (one to SFO and another in Dulles) so I figured jetblue out of LGB was best even though the times were less than optimal.

So she'll be gone almost 9-10 days when I won't see DD but I don't think I should point it out. Instead I should just say 'I'll miss DD but hope you both have a good time, let me know if you want me to drop you guys off and pick you up - unless you were going to leave your car at the a/p.'

What do you guys think?

[alice444]

OK so I was looking through the draft emails and I found this one I was going to send her. This is the day after it was clear that she's not moving back in."Granted I wrote the last emails not realizing that you've already decided to not come back I still want to know what I did this time?

- You're not in any kind of danger (you used to say my anger was out of control)
- I never ask where you go or who you see etc (you used to say I was controlling)
- I never try to make you feel hurt inside (you asked me to never bring up things that happened when we were separated and I never did)
- I even tell you to not worry about your job and I tell you to turn your downtime into something positive (you used to say I wasn't supportive - which couldn't be further from the truth).
"

So.... I'm going to defer to wiser DBers here for the most part. But you and others have also advised me that if there's something I really want to say to H and am going to always wonder what would've happened if I had, that maybe I should say it. OTOH, those types of things for me have more to do with important timing and seeing if it keeps him from filing, whereas, I don't know that you have any time pressure on this stuff- you could say it at any time, doesn't need to be now.

I guess discussing R goes against DB, but if I were you, I'd want to know the answers to this stuff eventually. But when I read it, it looks a bit like pursuing. Theoretically, you have been showing her that you've changed on all of these and don't necessarily need to tell her.

Instead I should just say 'I'll miss DD but hope you both have a good time, let me know if you want me to drop you guys off and pick you up - unless you were going to leave your car at the a/p.'

Hmmmm. I might say that this was longer than we'd talked about (is it?) but make no other reference to the time, and then follow with what you wrote. Also, is there any agreement that you will talk to DD at night while she's gone? Like before she goes to bed?

[ImprovedRomeo]

I don't know that you have any time pressure on this stuff- you could say it at any time, doesn't need to be now.

J, thanks for keeping me on track here I don't think there's any pressure and it can probably wait but I was hoping if I talked about it then it may make her think about what why she has to do this. As for the changes, I think she knew but maybe she forgot that I did change my behavior quite a bit but then again I'm not perfect and I slip up but mostly because of other reasons which are in her control. I guess I wanted to start the R talk with her just a bit in case she's already seeking D in the background...though I really shouldn't care what she does. I want to not care...

Hmmmm. I might say that this was longer than we'd talked about (is it?) but make no other reference to the time, and then follow with what you wrote. Also, is there any agreement that you will talk to DD at night while she's gone? Like before she goes to bed?

Yes I'd specifically said 5-7 days were reasonable but she's trying to say that it wasn't entirely up to her because of the airport she's flying out of. Though she could've flown back a day or two earlier. In a way I feel like she did it on purpose to push my buttons and to feel that she's in control.

Excellent point about arranging DD to call, in the past she always has. She went to visit her family last time too but she did skip a few days here and there. Again almost like she does it on purpose either because she's mad at me or to show that she's in charge. I try my best to just ignore it and not make a big deal about it.