I may be in the minority, but I would kick him out. The way I see it, he wanted to be heard and you heard him. He refused to admit to the A, blaming it all on you. Well since you talked to the OW, she's going to keep up appearances to "work on" her M. So right now your H basically has no one. He still holds you at night (more like a teddy bear) as security. He's going to continue to do that until he finds someone else.
I would agree with you after say 7 days and no change from him.
Exposure is a HUGE thing to deal with.. particularly if the affair has been kept secret (as far as he knows) for several weeks or months.
I reccomend giving a WS at least three days to absorb the shock WHILE you continue to expose them to friends and family and protest the infidelity. If they absorb the exposure and after havign time to process their response is STILL to cheat, separating finances and starting to cut him off is possibly a healthy route to go as an added pressure to end his affair.
Right now its way too early to act that aggressively... he needs time to absorb the reality so he can make a half way constructive decision... hopefully three days of absorbing reality might bring some good sense to the surface.
Right NOW it may be a bit early for that. But this is definiately a soon to be step.
Or show the email to the OW. I can see them laughing at me now.
I used to write long, flowery love letters to H at the beginning of our R. He finally told me that words mean nothing to him, I can write well and he didn't internalize what they said to him. It hurt, took away one of the ways I communicated my love to him.
I am not reccomending you put anything vulnerable in there... just reiterate what you did the first night you confronted him and give him a chance to say what he wants... with your CAR in TACT.
Unless you can think of something to put in there that might prompt HIM to say something you can forward to OW.
If he says anything destructive to HER, I would keep prompting that out of him... and if you get enough, forward it all to her.
But YOU don't need to get emotional... he's already admitted it means nothing anyways.. the email is just a SAFER route for you two to "talk" than HIS domineering approach.
The exposure was a big deal..he criticized you for it and ran damage control and then harassed you into a one-sided talk... you just need to keep UP the exposure, keep pushing him.
The more shame you bring down on his head the more he has to face reality... what about his kids? Have they confronted him yet and asked him to stop?
There is a device you can insert into teh underside of a keyboard that logs whatever has been typed there.
It is small and would only have to be there long enough for you to get hte password really... you might want to look into that. It has a USB connect so youc an plug it in and get a messy, but readable display of all the characters he typed.. in order. THe first block of text would be the password obviously
It's a laptop computer so no keyboard... OH! But he does have a desktop at his desk and I COULD get access to that without much problem. We do work at the same location. No one should question his wife sitting at his desk while he's at lunch... he'd be going home and leaving his computer.
OWH is so whipped, I don't think he's going to be much help. OW is answering his phone. I'm thinking of calling him again today to let him know H has said they're not breaking it off. I'm not sure about that. OW and OWH called together to say "thanks" for exposing so they could work on their M. And then she facebooked me with that nasty "you couldn't WAIT to expose me" message - assume when OWH wasn't looking over her shoulder.
I won't give up on him entirely, but I don't think he's going to be much help or intel. Doubt very, very much that he'll spy on her at all.
1. OW will HATE that you are poking into her marriage... it puts HER on the defensive 2. It will make your H a bit defensive too 3. It forces exposure further out in the open.. the more you call, the more this affair gets seen by everyone 4. It gives OWH someone to talk to 5. It brings REALITY to the affair and takes the fun from it - putting it to a quicker demise
Thre's more, but if you put your mind to it, INTEL isnt' the only reason to keep that communiction line running strong
EVEN if SHE picks up the phone... there is a way to send a message right to voice mail. Let her listen and delete it.. don't give HER intel ... in this case you give her COUNTER-INTEL ... just talk like you expect her H to hear it and say something that will put pressure on HER.
"My husband's acting weird today, being quite affectionate and wanting to talk..." etc
If OW hears that its gonna put some pressure on them over there.
Just talk as if you don't expect her to hear it, but feed info in that will provoke a fight with OW and your H.
Even mentioning the thing about H saying he wanted to help you get the well fixed is NOT going to be received well by OW.. its going to piss her off... the more REALITY you throw at their end the better...
Counter Initelligence works too... just force the call to voicemail and leave counter intel for her instead...
