Hang in there luvless. I know this is a bit scary, but at least you are TAKING ACTION and taking charge of this situation. And that's a very good step.
The one thing my attny told me that really stuck with me is there is ALWAYS only ONE first time.
Now you never have to have that "first" meeting with the attny again. You did it and you made it through. Sometimes the first ones are the hardest as the unknown factor can be terribly frightening.
Each time my attny and I got something done he would look at me, smile and say "first and last time, you did it".
The beauty of facing a scary situation is there only has to be one first time. Your first time is now past you.
If I ever do work in a family law firm in some capacity that will be my main goal. To make whoever walks in the door feel safe, heard, comfortable and not terrified. It made so much difference for me.
We were using a divorce mediator, but I can say that meeting her with my W to begin planning a D was very tough. I was grumpy and very angry at my W for making the appt.
I still had to go, though. Once it was over, those feelings didn't disappear as the feeling of a failed marriage hit hard afterward.
Feeling bad won't change the situation, though. I hope your meeting gives you more clarity and perspective so you can choose your next step to either fixing, changing, or leaving your M behind you for a new future R.
Breathe deep breaths out...you went through childbirth, you can handle any kind of pain!
mountaintop - is there still any hope for reconciliation? you said that the feelings of a failed marriage hit hard. this seems to be a feeling that most people feel and what comes after is regret. Regret that they didn't try harder to fix the problems in the m.
mountaintop - is there still any hope for reconciliation?
That's something I think only Luvless could decide for her situation.
For me, when I went into our mediation, I was ready for the worst. Our mediator got my W and I to work for 6 months more, with a mediated agreement. The beauty of a mediator over a L~. Who knows what comes next, but one who doesn't try everything they can accept as reasonable will always be left wondering.
I do not believe my H has any desire to save our R. If he did I sure would see it. He is too busy in his fantasy fog to see what he is giving up.
Yep. Focus on yourself. If he wakes up (and he will only do this on his own, not b/c of anything you do), then you decide if you want him. If he doesn't wake up, then you haven't lost anything.
luv, nothing else to add, you've gotten great advice. I'm glad to see you're taking charge of the situation and seeing it from a slightly different (and much needed) perspective. Good job!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
