See Jack, I knew you were far from a "richard" Ah, expectations. I think if I am going to stop spinning and get real here, that is the number one slip I have had. I allowed myself to start living in a world where expectations where not only reasonable but dominated my thinking. It was my purest poison before and until now I somehow didn't realize that it was back so much. I have built up expectations around everything in our life. My wife, myself, kids, work, clients, etc. Of course almost never do my expectations come true and as it always used to, that causes me stress. I told my IC about this habit I had of going into just about any situation with an expectation of how it would go, and when it didn't, getting upset about that. She thought that was a HUGE issue I need to deal with, and we did.
You're right. EVERYTHING I am feeling, thinking, doing is centered around what might happen, what the future may hold, what she may do, what he may do, how I may feel, what I would do, what might happen if I do, etc, etc, etc.
In other words, I have stopped living in the real world and took the express train back to the world of expectations. Thank you so much for pointing that out. It should have been obvious, and I suppose it was. That's what I missed about being here; the good ones really have a way of seeing through the BS and kindly but firmly telling it like it is.
So to answer your question; I do care. Of course I do. I would not be here if I didn't. I guess what I was lashing out in that last post about was the fact that based on my current expectations/feelings/thoughts that the OM is at least an EA and maybe a PA, I don't care. Once I remove all pretense and expectation, I know I care. It's so hard to lear... or should I say, RE-learn how to detach and live MY life without trying to manage hers so that OUR life can be better. I just WANT it to be better so badly, I want to "fix" it that I am in denial about what I need to do for myself. I've been thinking if I just manage my expectations it will all get better. It won't until I purge those expectations I suppose.
Ah, expectations. I think if I am going to stop spinning and get real here, that is the number one slip I have had. I allowed myself to start living in a world where expectations where not only reasonable but dominated my thinking. It was my purest poison before and until now I somehow didn't realize that it was back so much. I have built up expectations around everything in our life. My wife, myself, kids, work, clients, etc. Of course almost never do my expectations come true and as it always used to, that causes me stress. I told my IC about this habit I had of going into just about any situation with an expectation of how it would go, and when it didn't, getting upset about that. She thought that was a HUGE issue I need to deal with, and we did.