OK so I was looking through the draft emails and I found this one I was going to send her. This is the day after it was clear that she's not moving back in."Granted I wrote the last emails not realizing that you've already decided to not come back I still want to know what I did this time?
- You're not in any kind of danger (you used to say my anger was out of control) - I never ask where you go or who you see etc (you used to say I was controlling) - I never try to make you feel hurt inside (you asked me to never bring up things that happened when we were separated and I never did) - I even tell you to not worry about your job and I tell you to turn your downtime into something positive (you used to say I wasn't supportive - which couldn't be further from the truth). "
So.... I'm going to defer to wiser DBers here for the most part. But you and others have also advised me that if there's something I really want to say to H and am going to always wonder what would've happened if I had, that maybe I should say it. OTOH, those types of things for me have more to do with important timing and seeing if it keeps him from filing, whereas, I don't know that you have any time pressure on this stuff- you could say it at any time, doesn't need to be now.
I guess discussing R goes against DB, but if I were you, I'd want to know the answers to this stuff eventually. But when I read it, it looks a bit like pursuing. Theoretically, you have been showing her that you've changed on all of these and don't necessarily need to tell her.
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Instead I should just say 'I'll miss DD but hope you both have a good time, let me know if you want me to drop you guys off and pick you up - unless you were going to leave your car at the a/p.'
Hmmmm. I might say that this was longer than we'd talked about (is it?) but make no other reference to the time, and then follow with what you wrote. Also, is there any agreement that you will talk to DD at night while she's gone? Like before she goes to bed?
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
