I have to work on finding a therapist for me. I was seeing a marriage counselor but what good is that when I am going by myself? I don't know if there is a difference between a counselor and a therapist.
I will work backwards here. Answer the last questions first.
Taken from p 131 of DR :
Marital therapy requires very different skills than doing individual therapy. Individual therapists usually help people identify and process feelings. They assist them in achieving personal goals. "how do you feel about that" is their mantra.
Couples therapists on the other hand, need to be skilled in helping people overcome the differences that naturally occur when two people live under the same roof. They need to know what makes a marriage tick. A therapist can be very skilled as an individual therapist and be clueless about helping couples change.
MWD says in her book that most of the time she only at first sees the ONE partner. This is very common.
Marriage counselling gives you someone to talk to. A safe and constructive outlet.. a good friend to talk to about your marriage. 4luv is seeing one now and she is in a position very similar to yours - husband shows up rarely, moved into his own "bachelor pad", seeing OW, etc. She may be able to better give you some insight as to why it might be worth pursuing.
But more to the point, if you go, your H may actually be willing to go. If he refuses, its all the more reason for your support team to admonish him for lack of effort.
Don't wait til he SAYS he WANTS to GO, to start looking.. it can take months to find a good MT.
And even if your H doens't go, YOU stand a chance to learn a LOT. This forum is constructive, so are books, but having a good FT to talk to in person regularly can offer an additional dimension to your progress.
