Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

H4L, print out Freckle's post and Kalni's posts and keep re-reading them every time you feel weak. They have faced down their demons and come to a place of being OK within themselves. They are role models for us whether or not our Ms turn out.

But still, don't talk to him about it!!! It's something he has to process on his own and you inserting your opinions, will only cloud him with anger and distract him from the real mess of emotions inside him.

^ Please keep reminding yourself of this! In addition to protecting yourself (which is #1), talking to him WON'T HELP. Nothing excuses his abusive behaviour, but you need to have to the good sense not to back him into a corner knowing that he will lash out at you.

I love the idea of acting your way through this. Visualize your role: relaxed, calm, cheerful, funny, DETACHED Hope, living her life and being a great mom in spite of dealing with the drag of a WAS. Form those pictures in your mind and fake it until you make it.

With your S. Focus on being present and stop sign your way through getting through some genuine play time with him. I know you feel like you're falling apart. But being present as a mom at least part of the time is a personal victory and an opportunity to focus on something else than your sitch. Try to plan little fun things to do together so that there is a focus. It's hard when you're depressed and I know that you worry about how that's affecting your S. I think a positive way is to briefly say how you're feeling, then role model managing and dealing with your feelings. "I'm feeling pretty sad today. I'm glad that we can spend some time together though. I thought that it might cheer me up to make pizza with you. What do you think?". I occasionally share my sadness with my kids when I know that I'm not doing a great job of faking it. I think that they can really learn from me verbalizing the things that I do to calm myself down, cheer myself up, etc. Also, naming my feelings has opened the door to my S6 naming his as well...which is something that he wouldn't do spontaneously. Of course I'm not advising dumping on your S and I know you wouldn't do that. But you can see this as a learning opportunity for your S: be a role model for how to behave in a crisis and deal with pain.

(((Hope)))