FM- I'm sorry it's been such a tough day for you and you are without the kids. I hope you got to do something for yourself that you don't usually take time for when kids are around. I think you handled the question from your D well and if you cried after they left, well, that's what you needed to do- but you kept up the face for them, which is what counts.
I hope the Celexa helps- it made me sweat horribly, but other than that it was great!
I am sending you strong sleep thoughts--
(((FM)))
Last edited by Juno; 04/07/1004:21 AM.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
FM- I wrote to you on my thread but wanted to tell you that I have realized that there are many things that H and I do with our family that I can darn well do without him! I realize that camping alone with kids would be worrisome but invite someone to go with you...a friend, relative etc. The kids, and your H, need to know that you can do these things with or without him...especially if this is something that you enjoy doing!
We like to take a canoe out and paddle around but I ever learned how to steer the dang thing so am thinking that won't be something the kids and I do together...lol!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Hey friends, thanks for checking in on me. PMA is pretty good this morning.
Yesterday I mostly followed my self care plan and I think it was good. I didn't finish my taxes but I made significant progress. I was calling my sister Buggy McBuggerson yesterday because she was really pushing me to stay on track with accomplishing the taxes. She knows that I have to get out of the shame spiral that happens when I don't take care of important business. And she knows that if I don't get my [censored] together I won't be able to support myself after the D. That part is no joke.
I'm glad I deal with the AD issue. I think I had a bad reaction to the Prozac. I don't want anyone to worry, but I actually had some suicidal thoughts on the weekend. I would NEVER act on it and I have enough perspective to see those thoughts with some objectivity, but it's the only time that has happened during my sitch, and that's obviously not helpful.
Last night I also watched a light movie and chatted with a friend, both of which distracted me in a positive way.
A little concerned because H should have checked in by now after camping.
I have the L appt on Friday. Really dreading that. I want to get to the place where I can feel strong when I face D.
I'm super aware of my anxiety these days. I just feel waves of it coming over me quite regularly...my heart thumping and a nauseous feeling. Sometimes the triggers are obvious, and sometimes they aren't.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Glad you're feeling better today, flowmom. I bet your pleasant evening last night contributed to how you feel today. I had a good night last night, too. My sister (technically, former stepsister) came over and spent around 4 hours here. We sat in Adirondack chairs in the yard (beautiful evening), drank wine, and talked. When it got dark, we came in, ate tacos (I was inspired by rr22's Mexican food suggestion), and watched Detective Goren's last episode on Law & Order: Criminal Intent. I also baked brownies, which was perhaps my favorite part of the night. It makes a big difference when you have these positive moments (brownies or no brownies).
I'm looking forward to hearing how a new medication works for you. I recently had an upgrade with my Zoloft, and after the customary "wait for it to kick in" period, my anxiety has decreased noticeably. It did not vanish--wishful thinking--but my stomach is not in the constant state of turmoil that it had been.
I hope you enjoy your day today. I'll be thinking of you!
Flow- it sounds like you're doing great. Good for you for seeing a movie and friend. I'm experiencing some real anxiety for the first time ever- usually my problem is depression. Luckily, the SSRIs or SNRIs often can address anxiety, too- talk to doc about that b/c they need to put you on something that addresses both. Just NOT Wellbutrin- that is bad for anxiety.
As for the suicidal thoughts- well, many of us have had those. You may know about the research or theories on that vis a vis ADs. Some think that the ADs in the first weeks actually kind of "wake up" our brains and as we're feeling a little less lethargic, a little more motivated, on that upswing we consider taking actions (hurting ourselves) that we were too depressed to act on before. Very bad catch-22. But I think they don't know for sure why those thoughts can be connected with ADs. Or, it could just be b/c you're going through a rotten time and just had those thoughts as a result. Anyway, mention to your doc so they're aware. I'm glad you'd never act on them- and as I'm sure you know, it's always good to call someone and not be alone if they come up again.
I feel your dread about Ls. I am not ready to see one yet- it seems too final. If I could feel more like it's giving me strength from information about my sitch than giving in to the D process, it would be better. I hope your appt goes well- keep us posted. When are you seeing doc, btw? The other thing is (not to preach, but I've become somewhat of a patient expert on ADs over the past 12 or so years), please do not just stop taking the prozac- they need to taper you off of it so you won't get yucky side effects. As it's leaving your body, that can happen, but less likely if you taper.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Juno, my Dr. just advised switching directly from the generic Prozac to the generic Celexa. They are in the same class so there may be a transition period but in theory it shouldn't be too bad. I'll be seeing him again in 2 weeks.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I was calling my sister Buggy McBuggerson yesterday because she was really pushing me to stay on track with accomplishing the taxes. She knows that I have to get out of the shame spiral that happens when I don't take care of important business. And she knows that if I don't get my [censored] together I won't be able to support myself after the D. That part is no joke.
Good. You now have a part-time accountability partner. Congrats on making progress on your taxes. You're almost done. Once you taste enough success on some of this procrastination stuff the success will build on itself and become its own motivation and reward.
H just took the kids for the night. S6 was asking about dinner plans and H made a big deal about not telling him in front of me..."we'll talk about it in the car". I also noticed that H was wearing the nice shoes that I bought him that he never wears. I feel pissed off about H playing mindgames. He shouldn't be doing anything with the children that he can't readily disclose to me. Of course I wonder if his plans involve my children being in contact with an OW.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
