It is unfortunate that exposing the affair did not end it. And, of course, he wants to punish you now. There have been examples on this website of spouses who went to Retrouvaille against their will and spent the entire time making a mockery of the process. This is very painful for the spouse who takes the program seriously, and they did not have good results.
If he will not go, I would recommend holding off on it for now. Retrouvaille is offered 4 times a year in most places. I'm sure if you ask them to hold the deposit and allow you to go at a later date, there shouldn't be a problem.
Saffie is correct that the Retrouvaille work, which is about communication, not reconciliation would still be helpful to you. You can approach it from that angle. There are many who say that Retrouvaille will not work if the spouse is still in the affair. I can only tell you that I have given up trying to predict who will have a good result and who won't. I have been surprised in both directions before. There are miracles, and quite a lot of them occur at Retrouvaille. But there are not enough of them to go around.
