embracing change

[flowmom]

Hey friends, thanks for checking in on me. PMA is pretty good this morning.

Yesterday I mostly followed my self care plan and I think it was good. I didn't finish my taxes but I made significant progress. I was calling my sister Buggy McBuggerson yesterday because she was really pushing me to stay on track with accomplishing the taxes. She knows that I have to get out of the shame spiral that happens when I don't take care of important business. And she knows that if I don't get my [censored] together I won't be able to support myself after the D. That part is no joke.

I'm glad I deal with the AD issue. I think I had a bad reaction to the Prozac. I don't want anyone to worry, but I actually had some suicidal thoughts on the weekend. I would NEVER act on it and I have enough perspective to see those thoughts with some objectivity, but it's the only time that has happened during my sitch, and that's obviously not helpful.

Last night I also watched a light movie and chatted with a friend, both of which distracted me in a positive way.

A little concerned because H should have checked in by now after camping.

I have the L appt on Friday. Really dreading that. I want to get to the place where I can feel strong when I face D.

I'm super aware of my anxiety these days. I just feel waves of it coming over me quite regularly...my heart thumping and a nauseous feeling. Sometimes the triggers are obvious, and sometimes they aren't.