I learned though, that if it means sacraficing myself in some way, it isn’t worth it.
It is better to let them stew, especially since more often than not, they are not actually angry with you, but angry with other things and taking it out on you.
I want you to understand, I am not supporting your M right now, I am trying to support you, in your growth and healing through all of this.
For a few reasons, the main one being that it is the first step.
The first step to what I don’t know. Maybe the restoration of your M, maybe a future new R, maybe just you being able to really stand on your own.
Those answers will come to you as time passes. As you clear your head and learn to understand your own feelings.
What your H said about OW being your fault…
That is total BS. Don’t you dare buy into it. Are there things you could have done differently? Sure, we all could have done things differently.
But we are not responsible in any way for another person’s behaviors (unless you held a gun to his head and forced him to do this).
This is not going to be anything that you get through quickly, no matter how you interact with him.
I don’t know that his “come to Jesus” moment is going to happen any time soon if ever. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from having yours.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Honey he needs to get off of the jail thing. I'm sorry, but that is just too bad, so sad for him. I would not listen to a word of that. As soon as he starts I would cut off the conversation. He made that choice, you did not.
I would really limit contact with him. It does not sound like it is healthy for you or your healing and growing. Just chalk it up to everything is your fault in his eyes and move on from there. I would not listen to a word of it. End the convo.
I also would not seek out contact with him, if it "irritates and preturbs him". Let him simmer and hang. Good for you for not answering when he called you back twice. Let him twist in the wind. MLC or not he seems to have the idea that he can treat you any way he likes that that it is okay and there should be no consequences for it.
Whenever my ex starts in on something that is not about the kids or starts with the whining/blame game I just cut it off.
You will not do yourself any favors by trying to please him or keep him from getting mad. It will only pull you in more and he will STILL be mad.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I would like him to get over it,,, or at least stop talking to me about it, Just cut it off when the "blame game " goes on sounds like a great idea.
Its difficult not to call... I seem to go back and forth not being able to concentrate unless I am somehow envolved with them or him.
Guess this is one of my hump to get over.
Your right... at this moment all of him is anger and madness..and no matter what I say...it wont have any effect to smooth any of that. It is his and He has to do it..
I feel like I need to find a path and stay on it , get some kind of goals going maybe some rules or something to keep me where I need to be going.
M 36/ H 40 4 children HMLC= 5/2009 sign d 3/2010 (to be final 6/10) m16yrs/17yrs in Sept
resource for me: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1
This helps me think about where im at and what questions I do need to ask to become productive in all this.
To not go back but forward (can be a scary thing...comfort zones are not in the options here) Perspectives are starting to twist and turn in my head...I think I might be learning something new here.
Originally Posted By: cat04
JT,
I too hate when people are mad at me.
I learned though, that if it means sacraficing myself in some way, it isn’t worth it.
It is better to let them stew, especially since more often than not, they are not actually angry with you, but angry with other things and taking it out on you.
I want you to understand, I am not supporting your M right now, I am trying to support you, in your growth and healing through all of this.
For a few reasons, the main one being that it is the first step.
The first step to what I don’t know. Maybe the restoration of your M, maybe a future new R, maybe just you being able to really stand on your own.
Those answers will come to you as time passes. As you clear your head and learn to understand your own feelings.
What your H said about OW being your fault…
That is total BS. Don’t you dare buy into it. Are there things you could have done differently? Sure, we all could have done things differently.
But we are not responsible in any way for another person’s behaviors (unless you held a gun to his head and forced him to do this).
This is not going to be anything that you get through quickly, no matter how you interact with him.
I don’t know that his “come to Jesus” moment is going to happen any time soon if ever. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from having yours.
M 36/ H 40 4 children HMLC= 5/2009 sign d 3/2010 (to be final 6/10) m16yrs/17yrs in Sept
resource for me: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1
Yes! JT- setting some rules and boundaries to protect you and your state of mind is very necessary. You sound like you are moving in a good direction. Just heads up though, when you do lay down some rules, it will make him angry, just like most things do right now. That's okay. Let him deal with it.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Today xh called three times..metioned something about massage parlars in our neighborhood...I didnt respond. I had left my makeup kit over last time I saw the kids and he mentioned if I would like to get it. He put $$ in my account and was asking me to come over...WTH!! He didnt say it right out but kept asking me to come over...I know exactly why...I said I was very busy with school and I didnt need my kit.
Im almost to the point at this moment where Im not having any feelings for him ...except "WHAT EVER"-- He said he wanted to take a vaction just for him in May or June...nice just when the kids are out of school.
UMMM....who is a teacher and out of school then...OW I mentioned it and he said she was married and he didnt need a jealous husband after him...Maybe he did tone it down to just friends...still dont trust him....didnt stop him from being an A** to me just for his feelings for her.
She is the one I found out (through an email I found) that edged him on to locking me out of my own bedroom...so FO to him...and thanks for the $$$
Guess I am still disgusted by the whole thing. No way in h I want to be "used" by him.... should have kept the $$$ for the oil girl at the massage parlor!
(still no mention of us together...Wish this God moment would hurry up)
M 36/ H 40 4 children HMLC= 5/2009 sign d 3/2010 (to be final 6/10) m16yrs/17yrs in Sept
resource for me: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1
