I would attach a note that says the standard confrontation script we reccomend
1. I want to save my marriage 2. Your affair is hurting our entire family
etc
I agree with pup, this was not an act of love, it was an act of control.. he's testing the waters.
You pointed out how emphatic you were that you did NOT want ANY secrets in the marriage and he goes and does this. He may be consciously or just subconcsiously challenging your "no secrets" theory.
I woulodn't change your position until you get some indication of an actual commitment to end his affair and go to family therapy. Any interaction he tries just attach the same note to it.
Love you guys too! Pulling no punches saves so much time.
Seriously, L J, your h drinks, is emotionally/becoming physically abusive, is unstable, gaslighting you, and is basically jerking you around all the time.
So, which part of your marriage is the good part? Your child. And he needs protection from his father and good role-modeling from his mother.
Yup. Be careful there are so many women and men on this forum I read daily that use a line like "He's cheating on me, but he's a great father to my kids.." or "She's cheating on me, but the kids love her"
Well, if you are a bad SPOUSE, you are a bad PARENT. GOOD PARENTS do NOT bring INFIDELITY into a MARRIAGE.. the two are related. You cannot compartmentalize marrriage away from parenting, they are related. If they are a bad marital partner, they are being bad parents.
Until they are a GOOD marital partner, you need to protect your children from BAD PARENTS.
lol