went to early birthday dinner at my mom and dad's last night. no one even mentioned my H (sans some very brief talk with my dad regarding my separation agreement), and his absence in the chair next to me at the table was painfully distracting. i laughed with my family and my mom gave me a beautiful diamond ring that belonged to her and also she had an onyx ring of my grandmother's repaired for me, so that was quite the surprise. i have to wonder if anyone in my H's family will even so much as send a card or a text/email on friday for my 30th. i know i can't let that bother me or concern me...but i haven't seen or spoken to any of them since december, and it's bad enough losing your H without losing his whole family, too.
anyway, we had a nice dinner and as always, i'm totally fine until i go home to an empty house. that's when it hits me and i usually end up in a pile on the floor and there's no stopping the tears.
forced myself out of bed early today and did a 2 and a half mile run around the capitol...nice start to the day. just wish i could run fast and far enough to fill the void in my heart.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
