rr22, I feel like you're telling my story here: "my H had built a whole world of stuff in his head that he thought I thought that I never thought. MINDREADING and PROJECTION. There were things that I had said that were twisted and magnified, things I shouldn't have said, and stuff that was utterly his issues being projected on me (and, I'm sure, vice versa me doing that a bit to him)."
I especially identify with the part about things I said that were twisted and magnified. I've had that happen several times. Never mind the times he did or said similar things. He was joking then! I, on the other hand, was allegedly being completely serious and intentionally cruel. The same rules do not apply to both of us, obviously.
Here's the big question: is his guilt a good thing or a bad thing? In a way, I think his guilt only causes him to blame me more. If there's a good side to his guilt, then I'd love to know!
Sounds like we are all seeing counselors now - does this mean our walk-aways are making us crazy?
YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES--YES!
I recall that I used to be a well-adjusted, independent, fairly normal individual.
And what have I become?
A borderline neurotic who reads into everything my H says or does, who asks her Boxer dog his opinion on most (if not all) matters, and who has become an avid collector of self-help literature.
So, yes, mrbt, I think it's possible that we've all been driven insane. At least I have.
soleil, you summed it up so well. I'm locked in a double-standards situation. It is so hurtful to have your words twisted, especially when you know exactly what you said, how you said it, and the context in which it was said.
I understand what you mean that the lack of guilt is a huge problem. When you said this, it made me realize that I would feel much worse if he had no guilt or remorse. I guess I'm doomed either way, though.
don't worry about asking the dog for his opinion. i have full on conversations with mine. he doesn't say much, so i assume that means he always agrees with me.
i have an IC appt myself on friday. i had no idea i needed therapy before my H left. i like to think that the reason that i go is to have a professional tell me that my H is crazy.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
don't worry about asking the dog for his opinion. i have full on conversations with mine. he doesn't say much, so i assume that means he always agrees with me.
I'm so glad to hear of yet another person who does not think I've totally lost it.
I honestly can't think of a better communication companion than Boxer dog right now. He is incredibly attentive, and I never hear any contradicting opinions. When I do crisis training sessions, I always tell attendees that listening to someone does NOT imply agreement with them. However, with Boxer dog, I believe that this statement does not apply. How could he NOT agree with me? I can tell he does just by the way he looks at me. So wise, that dog.
I hope that your appointment goes well on Friday. It IS nice to have a professional validate what you already know about your H. You realize I'm not blaming, accusing, or projecting, of course! Just stating an opinion.
A borderline neurotic who reads into everything my H says or does, who asks her Boxer dog his opinion on most (if not all) matters, and who has become an avid collector of self-help literature.
Hilarious. The self-help lit collection bugs me too. I view it as temporary and that makes it easier for me to swallow. Like I'm taking a chemistry class I can soon forget about and put behind me.
