New here but have been a voyeur

[pearlharbr]

I don't want to seem like I am talking him out of his feelings and reality.

Then don't do it. Simple.

Right now you are judging H for his feelings. Not good. There is no right or wrong with feelings. How would you feel if H told you that you're wrong to be angry with him or you're wrong to be sad. His feelings are what they are.

Sounds like you do some more work on really trying to understand H's feelings and how they led him to have an EA/PA.

His actions were wrong. That is what needs to be addressed--why he chose to act on his feelings by cheating instead of turning to you or himself.