Kalni, So happy for you! I have seen such a change in our kids since things are better between us... so much happier. When I see that it makes the hard times worth it. I agree not to let the negative thoughts of waiting for something bad to happen become a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead, look at it as a realistic POV that there are always challenges and that is ok. Sounds like you are on a good path...
It is always harder when you have to deal with the stresses of work and real life, but I really believe you are finally on a very good path and a lot of stress has been lifted off of your R so you are both enjoying it. Keep communicating and putting into practice everything you have learned. Enjoy the "new" R.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
He's beginning to do what works. You're doing it, too..
Kinda like... does calculations.. and hopes that 7784 km/ 4203 nautical miles is a safe enough distance to whisper...."baby steps"..... gulps.. thinks better of it and opts for "SPRING THAW!!!"
Ok, I've not been much on the boards because I was away for three days and we are facing another crisis here. My mom has been in severe abdominal pain and she had emergency tests. THey havent found anything but she is still in pain and needs to have more specific ones. I am in panick mode. Both my parents are in a bad state, physically and emotionally. My mom used to take care of my dad but now she needs care as well. They suddenly look like 2 old people, I hate to see them like this and it breaks my heart.
Knowing how something like this affects me, I a) shared my feelings with H and b) warned him that if he f@cks up in any way again, he is history. I know I may have sounded harsh but seriously, I am overwhelmed and cant deal with BS anymore. He understood and promised he will be RRRRREALLLy careful. He has been nice and all, I just wouldnt be able to handle another mine exploding on my face again regarding the past like it did last week. And I made it clear, he has used up all his 9 lives...
He took it very well actually. K
PS Yesterday and today, he keeps calling just to chit chat. I asked what is wrong and he said he would love to be home and not at work. That he is bored and misses our home. That's Him from ...5 years ago. Something is definitely working and it aint sex.
I am glad that things are going better between you and your H. Sorry to hear about your Mom. I can only hope that it is due to stress over your Dad. Now that he seems a bit better, hopefully she will be too. Fingers crossed.
I keep hoping for really good things for your family.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sorry to hear about the worries about your parents. That is super stressful.
It's great to hear about how things are shifting between you and H . It sounds like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop...I hope that you start to feel some peace in your M.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Things looked a bit better with my mom today. Hopefully it is just stress she is expierencing...
H came home last night and although I had that talk with him, he sat on the couch and played Wii and then came to bed and immediately iniatied sex.
Something has changed there too. One of the things I am working on the last 3 years is to stop being worried so much about my body and start enjoying sex. Obviously I have made some mental progress which shows. I feel him...surprised. Sex is fine but we still are not making love. He wants me, I can see it, but he seems to keep somekind of distance. Maybe he is waiting for me to start an "after sex" convo which, of course, I will not. He still hasnt said a word to me during sex. When I do remember her emails telling him "if all the things he whispered to her during sex were true then she would be surprised if he was ever able to live without her", I get upset. BUT, I am pacing myself. That will come as well.
I am controlling my thoughts and so far SHE isnt a problem. "She" sneaks in but I manage to make her disappear in nano seconds. Funny how my mind works.
H is very..., how can I say it, acts as he owns me. That is also, strange. Truth is, there is passion there, passion we havent experienecd together for quite some time... (we had not made love since August 2007 anyway).
I hope that wasnt TMI for anyone. I am just startled still with how it happened and with the fact he wants me often... K
